What is ‘phubbing’? And why shouldn’t you do it in front of your kids?

Jody Coffey

Children born in the digital age are growing up not knowing anything different from a world full of technology.

Because of this, parenting today is in stark contrasted to the way mums and dads of today were raised. So, as devices get smarter and social media features more heavily in our daily lives we have to adjust as parents.

The importance you place on your devices can have an unwanted impact on little minds, and studies show ‘phubbing’ is the ‘snubbing’ of the digital era.

‘Phubbing’ is when a person turns their attention to their phone while having a face-to-face interaction — a merging of the words ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’.

Look, we’re all victims of technology, and I doubt there’s a person out there who hasn’t ‘phubbed’ somebody unintentionally.

However, as sadly common as it may be, experts are urging parents and guardians to avoid ‘phubbing’ if they can at all costs, as it can have negative effects on children when they experience it from their mums and dads.

Co-author of ‘Conquer Negative Thinking for Teens, Mary Alvord, PhD, emphasised how important being present is for children when speaking to Very Well Mind.

“I think the big question here is: are parents giving undivided attention when their kids need it? Or are they shooing them away more than usual? It happens to everybody sometimes. The key is how much.”

Our phones nowadays are almost an extension of our arms, and it kind of has to be that way given how much we rely on them for our daily needs.

However, this can create ‘a sense of dependence’, according to Felice Martin, MS, NCC, LPC, CPCS, NeuroCoach+ NeuroLeader at Behavioural Health Associates of Georgia, LLC.

She supports the idea that being ignored can hurt kids both physically and psychologically.

“Parents rely on the convenience of smartphones (i.e., alarms, book reading, scheduling, news, social connections, etc.), thus creating a sense of dependence.

“In fact, we often hear parents’ comments that they ‘can’t go anywhere’ without their phone. Phubbing can make a child feel inadequate, lonely, rejected, and dismissed.

“Children become anxious or depressed when ignored. Researchers have found that children become anxious or depressed when ignored. He or she may think they are insignificant.”

A survey conducted in Turkey by Faruk Caner Yam from Gaziosmanpaşa University in Turkey was carried out to examine if ‘phubbing’ had any influence on romantic relationships.

A total of 308 people were surveyed, of whom 78.9% were women with an average age of 31 years.

By questioning the respondents about life satisfaction in accordance with the ‘Satisfaction With Life Scale’, the level of exposure to partner ‘phubbing’, according to the Partner Phubbing Scale, as well as relationship satisfaction based on the Relationship Assessment Scale and relationship quality based on the Perceived Romantic Relationship Quality Scale.

The findings revealed that people who were on the receiving end of ‘phubbing behaviour’ were more likely to have a less satisfied relationship with the ‘phubbing’ offender.

There were, however, some limitations to this study. For example, the vast majority of participants were women, and the design did not allow for any cause-and-effect conclusions.

However, Yam concluded that ‘phubbing’ should be considered a significant risk factor for romantic relationships’ .

“The phenomenon of phubbing, which hits individual’s social interactions, is an important risk factor for romantic relationships.

“In other words, partners’ being too busy with their smartphones during their romantic relationships harms relationship satisfaction and perceived romantic relationship quality. For this reason, it is very important to raise awareness of couples about the use of smartphones during their romantic relationships.”

Think of it this way: If you were telling a story and your conversation partner, whether a romantic partner, friend, or child, whipped out their phone mid-way through, it wouldn’t exactly feel great.

If anything, it’s a gentle reminder to try our best to ensure we don’t pass ‘phubbing’ down to the next generation.