Family psychotherapist shares advice for parents on how to talk to children about death

Having this conversation with your children is so important

The six-year-old was discovered unresponsive in a car near Rathmoylan Cover outside Dunmore East shortly after midnight on Friday, February 9th.

Matthew received treatment at the scene from emergency service personnel and was brought by ambulance to University Hospital Waterford, where he was pronounced dead in the early hours of the morning.

In a statement by Minister for Education, Norma Foley, she confirmed that National Educational Psychological Service (NEPS) psychologists would provide any support the students of Faithlegg NS require.

Talking about the topic of death with children is a difficult and upsetting part of parenthood

It is a topic that many parents or guardians would hope to avoid, especially if their children are very young.

HerFamily spoke to family psychotherapist and founder and clinical director at The Wave Clinic, Fiona Yassin, to find out the best and healthiest course of action during such a heartbreaking event.

The first recommendation she gave is to 'avoid shutting children down' and allow them to feel their grieve.

“This is not a time to impart our own views, it is a time to listen to the young person and encourage them to talk about what they’re feeling.

"We must allow children to remember the person who has passed in any way they wish. Children must be allowed to take the space they need to deal with grief," Fiona adds.

She suggests explaining the concept of death in the right language and in an age-appreciative way.

"As much as possible, parents and carers should avoid euphemisms or telling children things that aren’t true.

"It is important to build trusting relationships with children long term and avoid creating more confusion down the line."

'This is the end of a chapter and not the end of their memories'

Fiona adds that parents or guardians can explain a person's passing to children using wording they wish to use, for example, they may wish to explain it by saying the departed person has gone to heaven.

She also says it's important to explain why there will be a funeral and prepare them for what this occasion will involve, and that 'this is the end of a chapter' and 'not the end of their memories'.

The family psychotherapist says parents or guardians should be on the lookout for any signs of anxiety or upset the news or topic of death may cause their child or children.

"You may see this through tears, hair twirling, pacing, waking up at night, or being clingier than usual.

"It may be helpful to put an extra layer of protection around your child by making the school aware of what’s going on," she suggests.

If your child or children are being impacted by anxiety or stress, Fiona says professional advice should be sought, whether by arranging a session with a school counsellor, a pastoral lead, or a mental health professional, so they have a safe space to talk through their thoughts and feelings.

Barnardos offers a Children’s Bereavement Service to help by working with families to help them support their child through the grieving process. 

The contact number for the Barnardos Helpline Service is(01) 473 2110 and is available from 10 am-12 pm Monday to Thursday to any adult concerned about a bereaved child and who wishes to seek information or support.