In this week’s Rants from the Regions our columnist, Nikki Walsh offers her tips for toddler clinginess.
1. Practice acceptance
Rather than thinking you’ve done something wrong in your parenting approach, accept your toddler’s clinginess as a facet of his personality and as age-appropriate behaviour. This frees you up to enjoy him for who he is and to parent him the way he needs to be parented.
2. Make him feel safe
Knowing what happens next gives your toddler a sense of control over his life. So keep to routine as much as possible. Prepare him for changes within this routine by talking about them well in advance, and make all transitions gentle, gradual ones.
3. Separate with confidence
If you are anxious leaving your toddler, he will pick up on it, so make sure your goodbye is a confident, cheerful one. Resist the urge to slip away: this will only make him feel more insecure in the long run. If seperations are hard, come up with a little ritual – a song, hug or special kiss can help, as can leaving him with a little piece of you – something from your handbag or a little memento (we call these a ‘lovey’!). Return a little early, so you can talk to his caregiver about his day. Seeing you interact positively with her or him will be reassuring for your little one.
4. Encourage independent moments
Try not to interrupt your toddler when he is playing independently, and let him direct the play when you are together. Resist the urge to rush in when he gets frustrated. If you must do something, narrate what is happening while intervening. For example, “The round peg won’t fit the square hole. It’s hard to find the right shape for the right hole isn’t it?”
5. Surrender
Don’t fight your child’s clinginess: it will only make him worse. Children do not develop in a linear way – they go backwards in order to go forwards, and periods of regression are entirely normal. Fighting it will only delay this important developmental process. So if he is having a clingy moment, try to embrace it. Forget about the house chores and cuddle up with books and blankets, and let him separate from you, not the other way around. In group situations, try to stay in one place, so he knows where you are.
Nikki Walsh is a writer and editor with a passion for what makes us tick. She lives in Dublin with her husband, her son and a heap of books, mostly on psychology.
Join Nikki next week for more mum rants.
