Oh, the nativity, the Christmas songs and the dance routines, all brought to us yearly from our little munchkins!
We dress them in festive jumpers and Christmas hats with their names emblazoned on the rim, we practice with them for weeks on end at home so that they get the song words and the actions just right. Sometimes, we even have to make the costumes ourselves, which coined the wonderful phrase; ‘I have just superglued my elbow to my eyeball!’.
All this effort goes into the magical event – a short performance brought to you by hard working teachers and creche personnel. The dedicated kids are ready and eager to wave to mum and dad from their position as Chief Elf, or the front of the donkey or the all-important narrator.
As parent to this very excited little chap or chapette, you are so proud of them and excited for them, silently wishing for them to come out the other side as happy as they can be. You take your seats in the hall, nervously waiting for the announcement that they are about to begin.
A door opens and the children file in, all looking angelic and cute in their festive attire and costumes. Your heart does a little flip as you note that your son or daughter is craning their neck to search you out.
You give them a little wave, to reassure your kid that you are there and you love them and your heart melts when they see you and smile. You might even get an ‘I love you’ mouthed back at you as I did this week (swoon, I know).
The show begins and everything is going well for approximately three minutes until one or all of these five asshole adult manoevres takes place which absolutely ruins it for everyone.
1. The One With The Crying Baby
Look, we love babies, and we really, really want your baby to get everything that they need but can you manage to figure that out in another room so that Johnny the Narrator can have his moment to shine please?
2. The Attention Seeker
‘Hi Susie!! Mummy’s here, darling! Susie! Hiii sweetheart, we brought Roberta your Au Pair toooo!!’ Yes, ok Mommy Dearest, the entire universe is aware of your presence, well done. Now could you just give Roberta permission to gag you with her work visa for the next seventeen minutes? Thanks.
3. The Over-excited Waver
Oh please keep waving at your little darling throughout the entire thing, please do. Staring at the back of your vibrating hand isn’t giving us motion sickness at the back here at all, honestly.
4. The Late Arrival
If you are late to the Christmas play – and let’s face it, who hasn’t been – then it is your duty to slip in and stand at the back as quietly as humanly possible. Under no circumstances have you any permission to start loudly whispering ‘Deirdre, Deirdre!‘ in order to locate your wife, and then part the crowd so that you can sit next to her. Deirdre will of course be sitting in the front row, mark my words.
5. The Film Crew
These are the WORST. Why on earth do you think it’s ok to hold your smart phone or iPad over your head to record the Christmas show, while other parents are standing behind you? It is the beyond offensive to block everyone else’s view and ruins it for everyone else who is just as excited to see their kid sing as you are. Put. It. Away.
Have you any more to add to this ranty list?! Let us know in the comments!
