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24th June 2015
12:48pm BST
No further questions, your honour.
What follows are genuine conversations I've had with him over the past few weeks.
Me: "How was school, Sam?"
Sam: "Good."
Me: "What did you do?"
Sam: "Nothing."
Me: "Who did you play with?"
Sam: "I dunno."
Me: "Was your teacher, Ciara, there?"
Sam: "No."
Me: "No? So, who was teaching you?"
Sam, deadpan: "Wolverine."
Me: "Samuel Moore! Did you wet your pants?"
Sam: "No. There was wet and my pants got in the wet."
Sam: "Dad, why are you called Dave?"
Me: "Because that's the name that Nana and Grandad gave me, just like we gave you the name Sam."
Sam: "Can I give the girlies a name?"
Me: "Well, they're already called Nina and Anna."
Sam: "Oh."
Me: "What names would you have given them?"
Sam: "John Terry."
Sam walks out the door.
Sam: "What country is ice cream from?"
Me: "Er... I'm not sure, buddy."
Sam, crying: "Mammy! Daddy's not sure!"
Me: Shouting into the kitchen: "Trace, what's the name of the Bowie song we were singing outside?"
Sam: From the kitchen: "Ziggy Stardust, Dad!"
Andrew (5) and Sam are fighting.
Me: "Guys! Come on. Stop fighting please. You're going to be brothers and best friends forever. You HAVE to learn to get along!"
Andrew: "Well, Sam started it!"
Sam: "Awwww, I'm not marrying you, Andrew!"
10:30pm. Friday night.
Tracy: "One of the lads is up."
Me: "Pause the movie, I'll go up and see what's going on."
This.
Me: "What are you doing, Sam?"
Sam: "I'm going to the gym, Daddy."
Sam miraculously ALWAYS needs to talk to Mammy when I call on the phone.
Sam: "Who's on phone?"
Tracy: "Daddy."
Sam: "I have a pain in my bum hole."
This was a while ago. At bedtime.
Me: "What's your favourite animal, Sam?"
Sam: "Gwilla."
Me: "Oh, a gorilla? Cool."
Sam: "And bithkith."
And just this evening.
Sam: “Dad, Ben Flynn doesn’t like oranges.”
Me: “Does he not?”
Sam: “No. Do you like oranges?”
Me: “I do. I love them. Do you like oranges, Sam?”
Sam: “No. I haaaaaaaate them.”
Me: “Really? Cos you ate one about 10 minutes ago.”
Sam: “No. I haaaaaaaate them.”
Me: “Ok, cool. What’s your favourite fruit then?”
Sam: “Emmmm. Oranges.”
Just for the sake of it, here’s my favourite pic of me and the two lads.
I am David Zachary John Moore. I am married to Tracy (who used to be Velcro Girl on 2Phat). We have four kids: Andrew is 5, Samuel is nearly 3, Nina and Anna are twins and, as of today, are 5 ½ months old. We have a dog called Lorna, a lurcher we rescued in 2005. She can leap a 9-foot wall in one go. I am tired.Explore more on these topics:
