I have been on Facebook for a long time – maybe eight years or so. I was in my early thirties when I joined, with a half-hearted MySpace account (which I simply wasn’t musical or arty enough for) and a really sad Bebo account (which I was WAY too old for).
But when Facebook came a-knocking at my door.. ahhh.. bliss.. I had found my social media home!
I used it as a marketing tool to promote events I was organising or shows I was in, to digitally store some of the photos that were clogging up my computer and to make people jealous when I went anywhere nice on holidays.
I could go on and on about the crazy things I have witnessed online in that time, but in the event that you don’t have three hours to discuss it (!), let’s just say I have seen a LOT of bonkers behaviour.
So in the event that social media is still the mega force that it is now when my kids are old enough to have accounts online, I will really need them to know the following:
1. Your real life is off-line
Social media is that fun thing you do from time to time during the day and you need to separate it from your actual existence. If you are online more than just living your life, you have a problem that we need to address.
2. Your page, your rules
You are entitled to have the page you want to have. That means letting others know that you’re not ok with them posting unwanted content, tagging you in photos you don’t want to see, or announcing any of your news before you do. Hide, report, unfollow, block – they are all great tools that you should use quickly and discreetly.
3. Have your scraps face-to-face
I do hope that you will learn to be assertive in life, and that means avoiding the passive-aggressive method of dealing with problems via your smart device. Be brave and always try to speak to someone in person to resolve any issues that are between you. If they insist on using social media to duke it out, see Point Number Two above.
4. Have a thick skin
You need to adopt the attitude of ‘who gives a shit?’ when it comes to people you don’t know leaving nasty comments about you. Not everyone is going to love you in life, and they certainly aren’t all going to love you online. Imagine that nasty comment comes from a gremlin living in a shoebox underground who is obliged to whack out eighty miserable comments a day or their evil master will force-feed them sprouts, laugh it off and move on. WHO. CARES.
5. Online contact is no match for the personal touch
If you see that someone you know has lost someone they love, was in an accident, has a birthday, isn’t feeling 100% – pick up the phone and call them to let them know you are thinking about them. This is WAY nicer than ‘Hope ur ok hun’. Got it?
6. There are no children nor dead people online
If I am dead and buried, please don’t use your online platforms to talk to me. I won’t give a rat’s ass about your status update. Instead, please go to your favourite park and close your eyes to think of me, or to where I am buried and chat with me there. Likewise, don’t wish your four-year-old nephews a happy birthday online – it’s unlikely they have an account. Be a rock star and go see them or call them and sing Happy Birthday at full volume instead.
7. People will assume that you are what they virtually see..
..and that’s their problem. If they want to get to know the real you, they’ll spend time talking to you, ask questions about your life and how you live it, visit your home and stay in touch as you both grow older. Anyone who is content to ‘know’ you via your online presence cannot be considered a true friend.
8. Let your creative juices flow
Social media is for making people smile because you’ve said something funny, or found an interesting article that you want to share, or you want to incite conversation on a topic you are passionate about. Use it to it’s fullest potential and harness it for good, for positivity and for creation. The world outside is annoying enough, let this be the place you have fun.
9. De-friending is for losers
‘Sending a message’ to someone via Facebook or other that you are no longer mates by ‘defriending’ them is ridiculous behaviour. Repeat after me: ‘Social media is not real life. Social media is not real life‘. I’m sorry to say that it will happen to you but you can never, ever do it to one of your friends because you will be a great person who understands that the value of friendship is greater than the value of online activity.
10. Don’t post any nude pics of yourself
I hope this is self-explanatory. For reference, Google ‘Kim Kardashian’. She should be almost retired by now, if you’re lucky.
What will YOU tell your kids about using social media when they are old enough to use it?
