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10th August 2015
05:37pm BST
Gets us every time. We are suckers.
My one is essentially a criminal mastermind. Whenever a peaceful silence descends, my heart starts racing. "Oh my god what's he doing, he's been out of my sight for less than 8 seconds." And yet 8 seconds is all he needs to f*ck my sh*t up.
10 thoughts every toddler has while f*cking up your shit
1. She's sleeping peacefully, time to stand on her face.
2. I wonder if she will like this Pollock-inspired painting on the living room wall or the floor of the dining room? Better do both.
3. La la la I love melty chocolate hands... now to touch every inch of this clean laundry.
4. If I keep amusing her with this dancing she won't notice that I put the shoes in the toilet.
5. I kinda need to be sick but I think I'll save it till we're in the car.
6. Unattended items. Must destroy.
7. If I distract her with THIS dance she won't notice that I threw her make up bag and an old bra out the window (that's right front window NOT back window. BOOM).
8. "I LOOOOOOOVEE SHOOOOUTIIIINNNGG." I mean really why would she think bringing me to a funeral would work??? She needs to remember that I ALWAYS win, no matter what. I'm just that good.
9. "No. NO. NOOOOOOOOO." She's hitting breaking point but I can go all day. When one's whole agenda is napping, eating and defecating, one has the energy for extended stand offs. She can't make me do sh*t.
10. She doesn't know that I can do THIS yet.
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