Everyone thinks their child is the best.
Not me though. I recognise that he is possibly not (currently anyway) the calmest, most zen little guy ever. Nor is he the most intelligent little being (I saw him trying to eat a phone charger) YET (I stress). But there is one thing he excels at and that is making me laugh. He is an absolute craic-merchant of the highest order. I’m not sure if all of his jokes are in fact premeditated but even so he’s got pretty good schtick.
8 signs The Child is actually a comic genius:
1. Farts are endlessly amusing
The Child picked this up pretty early on and now is an accomplished fartnoise maker. At TWO-YEARS OF AGE???? Eh, hello ADVANCED.
2. Prop gags
He is no stranger to using props in his routine. One day as we discussed the woman who free-bled during the London Marathon, The Child brought a large stack of sanitary towels to the kitchen table. I have NO idea where he got them from. Genius.
3. Slapstick
There’s nothing quite like walking around with a box on your head. He also really REALLY enjoys whenever I fall over and also my bad breakdancing which looks quite similar to falling over.
4. Wordplay
He can barely talk yet, but he’s mastered the subtle art of wordplay. He once picked up my boob and said: “Moooo.” As in cow, as in udder. I was so proud (and vaguely saddened at the accuracy of the statement).
5. Mischievous when provoked
I brought him to the shops when he wanted to go to the park. He got back at me by calling the man in the queue behind us “Dada”. “That’s not Dada!” I corrected him as the man shifted uncomfortably. “He calls everyone Dada,” I explained to the prospective ‘Dada’. “I’m not out on the hunt for a Dada for my baby,” I tried to reassure him. He did not take this as the joke it was intended to be and switched to the self-service queue.
6. Harsh but funny
The Child’s humour can often have dark undertones. I was once reading an article about Joseph Fritzl and The Child pointed to his picture and said, “Dada!”.
7. Used nappies can be used for evil
I think he may have learned this one from me, but lately I’ve spotted him throwing nappies at The Man. It’s great. I feel like it is procreation coming to it’s most logical and best conclusion: I produced a small being who is now torturing The Man for me. Result.
8. Mocking his parents
He can’t quite talk yet but he’s still capable of accomplished impressions of The Man and I. When I am stuffing my face on the couch he climbs up beside me and makes the noise that the pig makes in his farm animal book. It’s cruel but disturbingly accurate.
Main image via Flickr
