The assumption that, as a woman, you will have children at some point in your life continues to be a major bugbear among many.
Flippant remarks from prying family and nosy friends, relating to the emptiness of our wombs is a bone of contention for those who are undecided about whether or not parenthood is a path they want to embark on; as well as highly intrusive, considering that becoming a parent is not inevitable.
Before I became a mum and after I got married (the day after, to be precise), the fertility-related questions began. “Don’t leave it too long” was a particular favourite among those who failed to take into consideration the fact that having children is not a given – whether in or out of our control. I chose to keep quiet on the subject because I prefer to march to the beat of my own drum and I wanted to keep the pressure off myself – I had seen enough to know that things don’t always go to plan. After a little while, people stopped asking; although there were still the odd few who continued to monitor my choice of drink, as if a glass of wine was the equivalent of a negative pregnancy test.
I can’t imagine what it must be like to experience that on a far greater and more public scale, though. The ‘Will they? Won’t they? Are they?’ speculation surrounding child-free celebrity women over the age of 30 remains a hot topic; as does the assumption that they will one day have children if they can – as if choosing a life without procreation is unfathomable.
The likes of Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz are regularly thrust under the spotlight when it comes to talking about why they don’t have children (“yet”) and whether or not they will. With that often comes their desire to justify their child-free status.
Cameron Diaz’s views on motherhood have changed over the years. “If I wanted kids, at any point in life, I would have them,” she told The Telegraph in April 2014. “But I’m certain that if at any point I wanted a child, that child would find its way into my life, whether through adoption, or through being in a relationship with somebody who has a child. I can’t see the future, but one thing I do know is that I’m not childless. I have a ton of children in my life. I can have a kid any second, if I want. All my friends would be like, ‘Sure, come and get them.'”
A few months later in Esquire, Cameron spoke much more candidly on the subject. “It’s so much more work to have children. To have lives besides your own that you are responsible for – I didn’t take that on.
“Not having a baby might really make things easier, but that doesn’t make it an easy decision. I like protecting people, but I was never drawn to being a mother,” she added.
Appearing on the Today show with Carson Daly in 2014, Jennifer Aniston made a stand against the expectation that questions about having children carry. “I don’t have this sort of checklist of things that have to be done, and if they’re not checked, then I’ve failed some part of my feminism or my value as a woman because I haven’t birthed a child.”
She added, “I’ve birthed a lot of things and I feel like I’ve mothered many things. And I don’t think it’s fair to put that pressure on people.”
There are many celebrities who continue to be relentlessly quizzed on the subject of having children, and, as a result, decide to speak out about it. Jane Fallon – a former TV producer, best-selling author and the long-term partner of Ricky Gervais – has spoken about her and Ricky’s decision not to have children. In the May 2014 issue of Marie Claire she said that strangers stare at her with confusion when she reveals her childless state; but, she stands by her decision – one that she describes as complex and personal.
Actress Kim Cattrall further proved that the subject is a complex one with her comments in O Magazine in 2009. “I try not to listen to the shoulds or coulds, and try to get beyond expectations, peer pressure, or trying to please – and just listen. I believe all the answers are ultimately within us. When I answered those questions regarding having children, I realised that so much of the pressure I was feeling was from outside sources, and I knew I wasn’t ready to take that step into motherhood.”
As a woman, it’s a topic that, even if only internally, we can’t help but debate, consider or even worry about. There is, of course, no need to justify the decision to not have, or have, children, but it’s definitely important to consider life with and without them. Motherhood is amazing, but it’s also life changing and it’s not the right path for everyone. Women shouldn’t have to justify not having children, or feel a need to prove that they are happy without them – the same way that women with children don’t need to – but at least it shows there is thought behind a decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It would be far more unorthodox for someone to choose to have children when they weren’t ready, just because they felt pressure, socially, to do so.
