I have lots of fond memories of nursing my little man.
When our feeding came to an end it was with more than a little regret that I bid farewell to that special little hug nursing babies do; one arm flung around us, the other hand clutching that point just above our hearts. Of course, feeding babies are pretty unique in their various personalities, but we’ve got to admit there are a few familiar types out there….
10 types of nursing babies you will definitely meet at feeding time:
1. The Forager
My little Forager was known to do a bit of hunting and gathering, meaning hunting for boobage where ever he spied even the hint of a boob regardless of who the boob’s owner was (and whether they were even willing). This lead to a lot of prising my infant off the boobs of friends and relatives who got more than they bargained for when having a hold of the new baby.
2. The Grazer
The Grazer’s mantra is most likely ‘little and often’. They’re like those super models extolling the virtues of 12 tiny meals a day. Sure who needs to get dressed or shower or do anything beyond binge-watch old episodes of the Gilmore Girls anyway?!
3. The Nipple Twister
Literally twists the nipple, usually while trying to get a good look at everything going on around them.
4. The Absolute Chancer
The Absolute Chancer will stop at nothing to get at the boobie snacks. My one was capable of undoing shirt buttons by about five weeks old. Some might call that advanced; I call it vaguely invasive, and drafty.
5. The Narcoleptic Nibbler
This little cutey loves nothing more than to nod off mid-meal, HOWEVER should you try to ever so gently and subtly ease your nipple out of the snoozy mouth expect nothing short of RAGE. The apparently sleeping infant will roar to life indignant at the injustice. “I demand you return that nipple to its rightful owner this INSTANT woman.” I meekly surrendered the nipple. The child nodded off again. I repeated the process a couple more times until I gave in and just accepted my new role in life as Nipple Purveyor.
6. The Gorger
The Gorger is the opposite of the Grazer; this little one is like a fabulously greedy little bee stuffing themselves with honey, who will pounce on a boob and devour every drop before flopping off in a state of bliss that can only be called Milk-Drunk. A- freakin’-dorable.
7. The Helps Himself-er
It is the middle of night, and I am dozing after another night of hectic floor-pacing and futile winding. The Baby is just weeks old cradled in my arms. I am sleepily enjoying the sweetness of this private embrace, that incredible feeling of discovering these mysterious little creatures we have helped to make. In those early weeks of getting to know their beautiful eyes and learning what their squawks mean we find ourselves marvelling at their helplessness. And then…. WAIT…. what the hell….? I open my eyes, look down confused and see that the helpless Gollum-like creature I birthed only a few weeks ago, the baby barely capable of turning his own head at this point is HELPING HIMSELF to the boob.
8. The Groper
The Groper can’t get enough of pawing at us during feeds. At some point, this handsy baby discovered the other boob and so began an uncomfortable battle of wills in which I attempted to keep him from messing with the other nipple while he repeatedly ignored me and usually succeeded in squirting milk out of the boob not currently in use. A long beaded necklace eventually cured this.
9. The Contortionist
If you’ve got a Contortionist on your hands (or boobs as it were), then your nipples most likely know all about it. The Contortionist’s favourite breastfeeding position is doing some kind of sun salutation with your nipple still firmly clamped in his mouth. If your usual nursing view is the upturned bum of your little acrobatic muncher then congratulations, you are the proud owner of A Contortionist.
10. The Clawer
Baby fingernails can be surprisingly talon-like and while their petting and stroking of us mamas during feeding is undeniably precious, occasionally they can be a bit, well, scrawly. I like to think of the clawing as the baby marking his or her territory.
Did you have a Narcoleptic Nibbler or a Groper? Tell us about your mini munchers in the comments…
