‘I left the boys a lot…’ Amanda Brunker disses the myth of mammy guilt

'I felt like pulling my hair out'.

There was a huge reaction to Karen Koster’s documentary Mammy Guilt: True Lives that aired on TV3 last week, with the show striking a chord with many mums who were watching. However, one mum who was left a little disappointed was Amanda Brunker. The mum-of-two spoke about the idea of “mammy guilt” in her latest column on Independent.ie, saying “I personally don’t feel this mammy guilt that so many women are crippled by.” Karen’s documentary looked at the Xposé presenters guilt about going back to work and having such a hectic work life, with the mum-of-two asking:

“When I think about the future, will I look back and wish I’d spent more time with them?”

"When I think about the future, will I look back and wish i'd spent more time with them?!" Brand New: Mammy Guilt: True Lives, coming up next on TV3. Tweet along with #MammyGuilt and join the conversation. pic.twitter.com/MSw4RSC6Vr

— TV3 (@TV3Ireland) January 17, 2018

However, Amanda says the show didn’t show enough “balance”.

“There simply wasn’t enough balance to show that it’s OK to work and have a life outside of the home”.

The working mum went on to talk about her experience of going back to work after having her sons, Edward and Setanta. Going back to work just three days after leaving the hospital after welcoming her second son, Amanda says she “had no guilt about it… I was thrilled to be going back to work”. The mum said that she knew her admission would shock some people but says it didn’t negatively impact her boys.

“Being away from my son didn’t stop me emotionally connecting with him.”

Working mammies please go easy on yourself & mind your mental health. I wish people would STOP guilting you over missing time with your babies. Once they’re minded & loved by carerers there’s plenty more time to bond & connect with them ?#MommyGuilt

— Amanda Brunker (@AmandaJBrunker) January 17, 2018

I never wanted to be a stay at home mum... I would have lost my mind #MammyGuilt @TV3Ireland

— Amanda Brunker (@AmandaJBrunker) January 17, 2018

I hope this documentary turns the corner & shows women that parenting gets easier & that it’s OK to have some separation from our kids. Because it is OK to leave them in another safe pair of hands. It can also be a healthy thing for both parent & child ? #MammyGuilt @TV3Ireland

— Amanda Brunker (@AmandaJBrunker) January 17, 2018

Oh I really wish I had of been interviewed for this doc. I missed my sons first steps... someone else also got them out of nappies & soothers. The sky never fell in and my boys are very happy and confident. They also know that they are loved very much. #mammyguilt pic.twitter.com/ikqNMtiScx

— Amanda Brunker (@AmandaJBrunker) January 17, 2018

The honest post went on to detail other events Amanda missed and why that shouldn’t be the cause of “mammy guilt”.

“I did not potty train my boys; I wasn’t there for their first steps either. Was their development stunted? Definitely not," she added. “So could working mammies please stop assuming that just because some of them feel bad about making a living and keeping their sanity, it’s not the same for all of us. “Don't beat yourself up if it's granny or a caring childminder that gives your baby a bottle… It'll all work out in the end.”