Mum-to-be refuses to attend surprise baby shower organised by mother-in-law

She says it's caused some serious issues.

A mum-to-be looked to the internet for advice after her mother-in-law organised her a surprise baby shower - despite her being in too much pain to travel. The woman turned to Mumsnet to share her tale, recalling how her mother-in-law has been putting pressure on her to travel to the family home on a specific day for a family party. But the mum-to-be explained that she wasn't too keen on the idea, as her pregnancy has been tough and the last time they drove to the in-laws (which she says takes a few hours), she vomited and cried due to the pain from her back. And with bad weather forecast on the day of the party, she wasn't feeling comfortable with traveling. Despite the pressure from her in-laws, the mum-to-be said that she had decided to not go to the party - which led to her father-in-law ringing her and revealing it's actually a surprise baby shower. She wrote:

"I then got a call from FIL explaining that I had to go to the party because MIL has arranged a massive baby shower for me and that if I don't go I will disappoint not just MIL but everyone who was invited and have already bought gifts. "I wasn't really sure what to say so apologised and FIL said that he expects to see us there as this is important to MIL. He then hung up on me."

The woman explained that when her partner got home, he said they should attend the party as it would be rude not to - but she's still not sold on the idea. Explaining that she and her mother-in-law have had an "up and down, awkward relationship", the woman wondered if she should "just suck it up and go" or stick to her guns. Most of the commenters said that the woman should be her baby - and her own comfort - first and not attend the party. One person said:

"The most important thing right now is that you and baby are comfortable. "The last thing you want to be doing is travelling a long distance with hip and back problems. Plus if it gets colder your joint will feel worse probably."

Someone else added:

"Don’t go, you’re pregnant and in pain. She’s just going to have to deal with it."

Another commenter wrote:

"Do not go. I am impressed how you have stuck to your guns. My family got pissed off with me for not attending an all day outdoor music festival when I had my 1st baby who was six weeks old and breastfeeding. Sod them. Take care of yourself."

Other people felt that the mother in law was making a "lovely effort" and said that the original poster should attend the party. A mum wrote:

"I think you are a bit [unreasonable], you said the relationship has been up and down and it sounds like she’s really trying to make an effort (however backhanded)."

Another added:

"I think she's trying to make a lovely effort. I'd reciprocate and grit my teeth and go."