I was playing how I am going to spend my lotto winnings the other night. It’s a game I play a lot so I have gotten to the stage where I am bored imagining my holiday homes and how I will manage all my personal staff, so my mind turned to how I would do good with all my millions as well as shop.
A support line, of sorts, for parents. Similar to the way you can ring up the hospital for the first six weeks when you have a baby with all the questions you don’t have the answer to when you have your first child. There would be no age limits, though, and it wouldn’t be for medical advice, just for support or kindness or for someone to tell you you’re doing a good job. There could be an online one to one chat service too for anyone who wouldn’t be comfortable picking up the phone. I know there are already a number of support lines in existence, but this one would be for filling the gaps. For advice and support on the little day-to-day things.
Motherhood is rewarding and entertaining, and all sorts of good and I am thankful, daily, for my healthy and happy children, but some days it’s hard, and some days it’s lonely, and some days you think you are doing it all wrong. This would be for those days or the days when you don’t get time to brush your teeth or the nights when you are racked with guilt because you shouted or broke a promise, and you’re full of remorse. Or it’s simply because you can’t make a decision about school or childcare and you just need someone to listen to you, to tell you it will be okay, to go and have some chocolate or have a shower, and go to bed early.
Most mothers have a real life support network and a partner and/or friends and family who listen to them, but not all mothers do. And then there are things that even when you have all of the above you worry about still, little things you don’t want to talk about with people in real life for fear of sounding stupid or over-dramatic or just because you’re embarrassed. In those cases, you could pick up the phone, and there would be someone there to answer your questions about growth spurts or your child using snapchat or school starting age or direct you to the right service if you need medical or professional help. It could be for little and big things, but it would always be there as back-up. I think mothers could use that, and not just new mothers, all mothers, and fathers too.
I am a decade into parenting and there are days where I feel I don’t know what I am doing or days where I feel I am doing everything wrong, I would use this service if it existed, because sometimes I want reassurance or someone just to give me practical advice on small things that can seem so much bigger when you are in that moment.
I would have used a service like this when…
- The first time a note came home from school about ringworm with diagrams and pictures.
- The day when my child refused to eat food for dinner for the 17th day in a row and I worried he was going to get scurvy.
- On the nights when my small baby fed for seven hours without stopping, and I thought I would never sleep again.
- On the day I got caught hiding behind a very small tree trying to avoid another parent who I didn’t want to talk to.
- My husband was travelling for work, and I had sick children and hadn’t seen or spoken to another adult in days.
- I had an argument with one of my children, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
- That day, even though it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, and I had heard it verbally and was expecting it, when we got a diagnosis for my child in the post in black and white that translated into the fact that life was always going to be that little bit harder for her, and I cried for 24 hours.
- Or the days when work, housework, homework, laundry, lunch-making just seems like a big overwhelming mountain that I will never, ever get to the top of, and I just want to hide under a duvet and not share what I am eating.
Little things that seem like big, huge things on those days.
I am still working out the details (while I wait for my lotto win) on who would be on the other end of the line, but they would be wise and kind, and they wouldn’t judge, they would just reassure, and mothers would feel comfortable ringing up no matter how small they perceived their problem or complaint to be.
Parents should always be supported, and I think they don’t always get the support they need. If there were support for the little things, then maybe some of these little things would stay just that, small and would never transform into big problems.
The odds of me winning the lotto are probably better than the government sorting out the homelessness and healthcare crisis, and having money for this, but if they do sort out all the problems, and there is money left, Enda, call me, we can set this up, and all the Ma’s in Ireland could be told YOU’VE GOT THIS, IT’S OKAY on the day they might need to hear it.
Deborah McCarthy is a mum-of-four, a procrastinator, a caffeine enthusiast, a picker-upper of things. She writes about being overdrawn, overtired, overemotional and overwhelmed on her hilarious blog, The Clothesline
