‘I hate how my adopted daughter’s name is spelt – is it wrong to change it?’

Ellen Fitzpatrick

A mum has sparked a serious debate on Reddit after she asked her peers for their opinion on changing the spelling of her adopted daughter’s name.

Taking to the online forum looking for advice on the situation, the mum explained that she and her husband are currently in the process of adopting their two-year-old daughter after over a year of fostering her.

Further revealing that the biological mum is her husband’s cousin, she does not have any visits or contact but they are planning to leave “the door open for when she’s ready emotionally and mentally”.

But now the parents have come into a debate within the extended family over the child’s name – particularly the spelling of it.

She said: “Our daughter’s name is Ryleigh June, pronounced how you would Riley. I am personally not a fan of the -eigh trend and do feel the spelling of this will make things harder for her.

“I would never dream of changing an adopted child’s first name as that’s erasing a part of their identity. It’d still be the same name, just spelt differently. We’d keep June as is, of course. And her last name isn’t changing as it’s already my husband’s.”

She went on to explain that since there is no contact with the biological mum, they don’t know how she feels and many other family members are objecting to the idea.

“What do you think? At the end of the day, I could live with the name as is. My husband said she could change it herself down the line, but I know that process can be expensive and tedious,” she added.

The story caused much debate in the comments, with many adopted children giving their opinion based on similar situations.

One said: “As an adoptee who had their name changed completely upon adoption, I would say don’t change it. I occasionally mourn the loss of my original name as it was one of the few things connecting me to my bio mother (who I know nothing about).

“I know that you’ve left the door open with your daughter’s bio mom so it’s not like she’s lost all connection, but I still think having that piece of her history, regardless of the weird spelling, will be important to her in the future.”

But another had the opposite take, saying: “I’m adopted with a name change and actually feel the opposite. I’m glad they changed my name. Not to negate your experience, just offering a different perspective. I think the circumstances definitely can frame this situation.”

Another added: “I am an adoptee whose parents chose not to change my name. I resented it because I wanted my parents to give me my name just like any other parents do. We discussed changing it eventually but they never got around to it. I hate my name and feel like it sets me apart from my siblings (their bio kids).”