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15th May 2022
04:01pm BST
"My 15 year old thinks he should get money whenever he asks for it and if he doesn’t, he tries the whole guilt trip thing. Since Thursday last week he’s had £50 from dad (for excellent end of year achievements at school) £10 spending money from me, £5 yesterday from me and another £5 from dad, he has now been asking for more money today as he’s spent it all, I refuse to just dish out money when he could have budgeted and had money everyday for a over a week. I don’t think so, anyway he has now said he’s not coming home tonight and selling his personal item Xbox one etc! I’m sick of the emotional blackmail so have told him to do what he needs to do, but he needs to leave his phone as I pay for that and I recently bought him a ring so he needs to leave that oh and his key! He said no! Anyway I’ve come home and his Xbox has gone, I’m calling his bluff, he’s told me he’s staying out so as far as I’m concerned he can stay out, I know where he is so don’t have any welfare concerns, I don’t mind giving a couple of quid a day for a drink but it’s never enough, he’s not blackmailing me into giving him money so he doesn’t stay out etc!! He even has the cheek to ask me what I’m spending his school money on as it should be spare and he should have it! Don’t think he realises that food bills go up in the holidays due to everyone been at home! Anyway just wondered how other parents deal with teens and spending money in the holidays? He will do jobs for me but small jobs and expect a tenner at a time! He’s spoilt and I’m refusing to give in today even though it may sound harsh that I’m letting him stop out, he’s told me not to text him so I’m not going to!! Though il be worried and prob won’t sleep but I think he needs realise he doesn’t call the shots!"
I would have been laughed at if I asked for this much money as a teenager and many of the other Netmums users felt the same.
"OMG at 15 I got £10 a week pocket money and that was it! We lived in a little village with literally nothing to do all day except hang around. Guess what...We survived! OP get firm with your boy as he needs to learn to live within his means. I'm sure his friends are not all getting £70 a week from their parents, so he is likely either showing off how much he gets or financing them also. Time for him to learn the world doesn't owe him"
Others wondered what he could be spending the money on, implying that he might be funding a drink or drugs habit.
"The thing that troubles me most is what is he finding to spend that much money on?!"His mum insisted that this was not the case though and he's just spend-thrift.
"He spends it on crap, food and drinks throughout the day, he doesn’t smoke or take drugs as far as I’m aware, I’m always smelling him!"
Many felt that the lack of boundaries in his life was a contributing factor in why he didn't value money or show any respect to his mother.
"It sounds like your approach to money and budgeting is inconsistent, as your expectations of him. Also the let him stay out, call his bluff etc is almost meeting him on his level. He needs firm, consistent boundaries. If staying out isn't acceptable you need to address it and so on. It doesn't sound like he's actually learned to budget yet. Hard to learn if its money in dribs and drabs and a battle between dad-does-this and your feelings around it. I'd also say the reward money should be an extra, additional to a monthly or weekly amount. You could stick with the 30 a week year round on the condition when its gone, its gone. You could set terms and conditions to this- household chores, voluntary work? He could look out paid work at 15. Treat him like an adult and expect that he acts like one. Don't shield him from natural consequences. As a parent it's your job to not give in to badgering and moaning. I give a set amount and when its gone, its gone. Its a good life lesson."
My son is only six but even now I teach him that he will only receive pocket money when he's good and that money is not never-ending. Both I and his dad have explained to him that we go to work so that we can afford nice treats for him and family holidays.
When I was a teenager I was encouraged to budget and when possible put a little bit of money into the credit union, even if it was just a euro a week and it's served me well in life as I've never ended up in debt or unable to pay my rent. Yes, there were plenty of times I couldn't go on night's out but paying the bills took priority.
I think this mum needs to put the foot down with her son and if needs be, not give him any pocket money until he learns to respect her rules and spend more wisely.
What do you think? Is she right to be annoyed with her son?
What pocket money do you think is an acceptable amount for a 15-year-old to have?
