Why telling kids they’re ‘mature for their age’ might not be a good thing

Anna Martin

An Australian psychologist has warned parents to note if their children act “mature for their age”.

Though it can seem like a wonderful trait for your child to have, in some circumstances, it could be a warning sign of something more.

Psychologist Briony Leo warned that if your child seems more mature for their age, it could indicate that there is external pressure influencing their behavioural choices.

Why is being mature a concern?

Speaking to the Daily Mail, Briony explained that in most cases some children are more mature than others and it’s nothing to worry about.

She claims that factors such as personality, birth order and cognitive ability come into play.

Yet if they are worried about practical considerations or seem to be taking on excessive responsibility, it could mean something more.

“This might indicate that they have become ‘parentified’ and have needed to take on responsibilities at a young age, as their parents haven’t been able to do this,” she said.

“Children can become ‘parentified’ if the adults in their lives are not able to cope with their responsibilities due to several possibilities including mental or physical illness, addiction or personality issues.”

In other cases, children can do this regardless of parenting as a response to stressors around them, often out of their control.

How can this impact a child?

Briony said that in later life some issues may arise with children who have been “parentified”.

The expert explained: “A person might find themselves struggling to have adult relationships, or to move away from the role of the caregiver or to articulate their own needs or be ‘selfish’ and take their own path in life.”

She added that it’s important for parents to be open and transparent with their child’s emotional reactions and how they deal with different situations.

Briony said to “make sure your child has the opportunity to share with you safely how they are feeling, their concerns, anything that is going on for them.

“This might mean you spend time as they go to bed talking about their day, or in the car on the way home from school.”

She explained that this can help them process their feelings in a healthy way and can help parents to understand what their child is thinking to avoid any confusing or traumatic experiences.