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12th Sep 2023

‘I don’t know what to do, my 20-year-old daughter refuses to get a job’

Sophie Collins


A mum has taken to the internet pleading for advice from other parents who are dealing with ‘unmotivated’ kids.

Her daughter, who is almost 20 years old, is refusing to get a job but wants money handed to her.

She won’t attend college, but doesn’t want to work for money and has never held down a job in her life.

The worried mum is wondering what she can do to motivate her kid and asked others for advice on her situation.

On a popular Reddit parenting forum, she wrote: “My almost 20yo daughter won’t get a job. She graduated a year ago.

“She has never had a job, She hasn’t tried to get a job and she doesn’t wanna go to college.

“She doesn’t listen, in my home we have jurisdictions, that switch every week. She never does hers and if she does she waits for it to pile up.

“The amount of times she has burned something while being preoccupied with her music and her phone. Speaking of music she can never hear me when I call her.

“And when I ask her not to bring her AirPods into church or at the dinner table she gets upset with me and gets attitude.”

Video games


The worried mum went on to say that she stays up all night and day playing video games and scrolling through Twitter.

While she seems unmotivated with the important things in life,  she clarified that her daughter is motivated to do whatever she wants to do.

“She is always waiting to the last minute to get ready and dress for xyz.

“But when it comes to say: watching a bts concert at 3 the morning she wouldn’t miss it.”

The parent exclaimed, “I don’t know what to do!”

In terms of where her daughter is getting her money, her mother said she has received it from birthdays, Christmas and for her chores, but still “she is constantly complaining about never having any money.”

The post went on to say: “She has so many subscriptions and just expects money to come rolling in. She is so quick to point out if her sibling didn’t do something. But doesn’t see the hypocrisy.”

Parents offer advice

Asking for advice, the woman queried: “Should I force her to go to a job interview? I don’t know what to do? I’m a single mother and I can’t afford to pay for everything she wants.”

Hundreds of parents across the globe were quick to offer their advice, and while some offered gentle nudges to cut her daughter off, others would approach the situation with aggressive tactics.

One response read: “She should have 3 options:

  • go to school and stay at home
  • get a full time job, work towards moving out and becoming a functioning adult
  • move out and best wishes

“She’s also 20yo, why is she getting money for chores??? Cut that off too because thats insane.”

Another added: “If you’re 20 and doing chores, at best it should considered the bare minimum required to continue living in the house, especially if she’s not paying a dime in rent. I see no problem in letting your adult kids live at home rent free as long as they’re doing SOMETHING to contribute.

“Allowances should be reserved for ages when kids are too young to legally work, not for grown adults too lazy to get a job and earn an income.”

A third said: “This is going to be really tough to hear, but this is a problem you created yourself. By allowing her to continue this lifestyle, you’re enabling it and teaching her a lesson that she can get things without working for them.

“You need to stop enabling it by not giving her money and creating a set time in which she is no longer allowed to live at home (ex. in 2 months), and then serve her an eviction notice. Otherwise she’ll never be able to take care of herself.”