Aisling is mum to Patrick (3 1/2) and Louis (1 1/2), she lives with her partner, Nick.
If I’ve learned one thing about myself since becoming a mother it’s… that I’m very happy and thrilled to be a mother, despite all its shortcomings. I always felt sorry for parents and thought that children enslaved you and ruined your life!
They’ve taken over, they break everything and despite all the obstacles it’s terribly satisfying. So that’s been the main surprise because I’ve always pitied parents! And now I’m so happy being a mum.
I used stay with my sister and hear her getting up in the middle of the night for their kids and there’d be no part of my bones that could move. I’d think “oh, I should go help them but I’m too tired” and then they’d have to go to work and I was there thinking “my god, this is AWFUL!” You can only do it for your own!
My parents gave us a great sense of family and togetherness and the importance of creating moments. I think moments don’t just happen, that’s what I love about Nick, he’s great at creating moments. If there’s a birthday party you have to put a bit of effort in there. Or at meal times, if you make an effort and make a thing of it, you get a lot back. So that’s something I realised with hindsight was how much my mother created these moments for our family. She cooked every meal and that’s a huge deal and I really appreciate that now. The level of care that goes into the food, it’s the thing that nourishes us. Nick, thankfully makes the food – and I do sometimes – and it’s all about creating a sense of occasion and being together. It requires time and little bit of thought, and a lot of effort, you can’t be too lackadaisical about it.
I have three older sisters, no brothers hence when my sons came along I was like, “what are these male things, what do they do…?” Honestly I’m left scratching my head half the time, but now we have loads of males in the family. So I’m finally beginning to understand them. If only I’d had this knowledge as a teenager – I wouldn’t have worried about them so much, I wouldn’t have cared less about blokes!
The main thing that’s changed between myself and my partner since becoming parents is… that romance is dead. And we’ve completely different parenting ideas which causes nothing but trouble but through it all we can have a laugh and I can say that we enjoy the children a lot. So it’s brought tremendous pleasure and killed the romance!
Nick is very French and when it comes to parenting for the French it’s their way or the highway and you won’t find bold French kids in general. They’re really well-behaved, they’re so obedient, they don’t throw food. They’re not snotty… they’re CLEAN! It’s incredible how they do it. And he’s quite disciplinarian in his approach. And my approach would be pretty sloppy, I suppose. I can be pretty lackadaisical. But I work all the time so sometimes I’m only getting three hours a day with the kids, if I’m lucky, so I’m hardly going to come home all authoritarian.
The most surprising thing about parenthood is… that you get to relive childhood! Who knew?! You get to remember how much fun it was when you first put your hand in the water and felt it splash. And it’s your responsibility to make sure that they get to have a childhood. That they get to have innocence. So your job is huge you have to protect them and protect their innocence. This joie de vivre is a gift they give you.
Sometimes Nick and I are chatting and he says, “you need to bat harder” but I’m not going to bat harder, I barely see them. And sure they know they can take advantage of me a bit, but it’s either that or be angry all the time and that’s bad for the complexion! It’s total working-mother-guilt and nothing but. I’m completely consumed by guilt, but we’re lucky because Nick is a stay-at-home dad and he’s a great dad. But I do miss them, you can’t beat mum at the end of the day; we carried them, they were connected to us.
If my child has taught me anything about life it is… that they have made my life. They make my head spin half the time but they have reignited my sense of joy. I look at them and they are so innocent and they are so beautiful and they have a great sense of fun.
The most important lessons I would like to teach my child are… to be decent people. I would hate for them to muck anybody around, or be in any way duplicitous. I want them to be straight shooters and have some kind of morality. I want them to try and have a social conscience and do the right thing. and to not be too mummy-orientated but to fend for themselves. But then I am so aware that this is all my things and this is what parents do, they inflict what they want onto their kids. So I have to remember to step back and let them be their own people as well. Whoever that may be.
I definitely would like them to have a sense of the world, a global perspective.
I speak English to them and Nick speaks French and I would love if they grew up bilingual, having the key to two cultures. Once you can crack a joke in another language that’s when you know you’re in. I’m trying to learn it myself, watching the cartoons with them and reading the baby books to them in French.
What makes me happiest is… the simple things, hugs and kisses. As much as they test you, you get so much back.
Aisling O’Loughlin recently hosted the launch of Boots Parenting Club.
