Obviously, coffee is essential to functioning – for me a day without coffee is like a day without oxygen… not possible.
With a rowdy two-year-old just getting the coffee into my face is becoming a major challenge.
Anyone else find themselves reheating the same cup of coffee over and over each day?
8 Stages of Reheating My Coffee Every Damn Day:
Stage 1
Put the Kettle On and Make Coffee
It’s like The Child hears the click of the kettle and takes it as a signal to start putting obstacles in my way. The smell of coffee hits the receptors in my brain. It’s so close I can almost taste it… but not quite because the child has other ideas about that.
Stage 2
Sit Down Clutching the Mug
Sweet, sweet elixir of life is just seconds from my lips. “Baby coffee,” interrupts The Child. “Baby coffee, baby coffee, BABY COFFEE,” he’s insistent. “Jesus f*cking F*CK,” I think as I reluctantly put the coffee down. I don’t actually give The Child coffee obviously (he’s mental enough already) I just pretend to pour him some with milk. He seems satisfied. Momentarily.
Stage 3
Resume Mug Clutching
“Now, we both have our coffee, baby and muma are having a lovely coffee,” I raise the cup to my lips and BAM baby’s ‘coffee’ is all over the floor.
Stage 4
Clean Floor While Staring Dolefully at The Coffee Pot
I would ignore the mess and just drink the coffee, but The Child’s milk is pouring through the floor boards requiring fast action or run the risk of the house smelling of sour milk, which on top of the all-pervading smell of nappies and wee would be most undesirable. Also, some of the milk is penetrating the rug which was a ridiculous pre-baby purchase (it’s calf skin – so hairy and impossible to clean and every time mess gets on it – which is daily with a two-year-old – I practically have to comb it out and shampoo it). Note to expectant parents: Don’t buy hairy home accessories, buy rubber rugs, throw pillows and curtains – everything must be wipe-clean.
Stage 5
Finally Chug a Bit of Coffee
It’s pretty cold. Reheat round one. Because I don’t have a microwave, the reheating takes place on the stove top which makes this whole ordeal particularly difficult.
Stage 6
Settle Back Down with the Reheated Coffee
“Ahh… Sweet relief and last.” The mug is poised at my lips, over the rim, I spot The Child doing that special walk, the I’ve-just-crapped-in-my-pants walk. I consider pretending to have not seen this and continue to tilt the mug; the coffee is just millimetres from my mouth when he PUTS HIS HAND DOWN THE BACK OF HIS NAPPY. Abort coffee. Lunge for child.
Stage 7
Crap There is CRAP Everywhere
I am traumatised by having to deal with poo without coffee fortification.
Stage 8
Reheat Coffee AGAIN
This time, I’m doing it no matter what happens. There’s an ominous crash from next door that sounds worryingly close to the sound of a vase of flowers being upended. Don’t care. Love coffee.
