Our alternative A-Z guide to first-time parenthood continues with ‘M’.
‘M’ is for mayhem, muslins, mastitis and mum-friends…
Mayhem
A video montage of my early days of parenthood would probably go something like this: Nappies and excrement fly around a room in which laundry is hanging from every available hook, ledge, rack and object. Our heroes (The Man and I) are tossing a screaming baby between them. One shrugs and says, passing the baby back: “I dunno what to do.” And the other shrugs and answers: “Well, I don’t know what to do.” Intermittently the soundtrack changes from crying to white noise and then back to relentless crying. One hapless parent (me) is consulting a book the size of a phone book saying: “It says they should eat, sleep and play in 2-hour cycles. The other (The Man) is frantically Googling phrases like “two week old won’t stop crying” and “how to wind a baby” and “normal consistency for two-week-old’s poo”. I think ‘mayhem’ just about covers it.
Mastitis
When my mother was breastfeeding me, she got mastitis (a blocked milk duct). I have STILL not heard the end of it. She definitely seems to believe that I (in my conniving way) had done it on purpose. Mastitis is nasty. Like BOOBS ON FIRE kind of nasty. Luckily there’re loads of ways to help avoid the dreaded mastitis and if all comes to all a course of antibiotics needn’t spell the end of breastfeeding. For more practical info the HerFamily.ie readers have great tips here.
Muslins (not to be confused with Muslims)
My friend was horrified by my apparent racism when I said my house was full of dirty muslins. The muslins are dead handy and oddly seemed to multiply in their unguarded moments. I’m sure I only ever purchased about 15, but I seemed to end up with about 80. I think I was inadvertently stealing them at every opportunity. I was the muslin-bandit thieving tiny white scraps of cloth from every mother-baby group and newly-acquired mum-friend in my path.
Mum-friends
F*cking invaluable. If you do not have any mum-friends before becoming pregnant, get some fast. Do whatever is necessary. They will be your lifeline. The only people not bored by endless discussions of the minutia of baby sleep patterns. The only willing recipients of photographs of oddly textured infant poo. And the only people who truly understand just how tired you are. For further hints on trapping unsuspecting women into an intense and claustrophobic friendship along the lines of Single White Female see 10 vaguely creepy things I did to make mum-friends.
Check out the full Alternative A-Z Guide to First-time Parenthood…
