Now and then as a parent I’ll say the kind of thing that pre-parenthood I just didn’t ever imagine would pass my lips.
Life with a bundle of joy can be a battle of wills, you’re essentially fighting fire on a daily basis which has lead to quite unexpected conversations around our house. From The Man complaining “there’s sick in my shoe” to my asking “have you seen my diaphragm?” only to find the child wearing it as a hat. These are the ten phrases you never want to be saying as a parent. If you are saying any of these statements, then you pretty much know that you are on the back foot and that the baby is completely OWNING you.
10 Phrases You Never Want to Be Saying as a Parent:
1. “Oh god it’s going everywhere. It’s in his hair. We’re going to have to hose him down.”
That moment when the nappy is put to the test and FAILS.
2. “I thought he was with YOU.”
That moment when you realise you are both in the one room and the baby is not in there.
3. “We’re going to have to cut him out of it.”
That moment when you realise that the poo has breached the nappy fortress and has now officially become an “up the back situation”.
4. “Where’s the car keys?”
That moment when you realise too late that the baby likes playing with the car keys. Desperate hunt ensues. Cue sheepish call to the AA.
5. “Hold him down!”
That moment when you realise that nappy-changing has become a two-man job.
6. “Stop dry-humping in front of the baby.”
That moment when you realise your other half humping you in what is intended to be a comedic fashion could actually scar the child for life.
7. “Did you get up with him last night?”
That moment when neither of you is sure anymore.
8. “I think he just got sick but where is it?”
That moment when you know the child got sick on you but you can’t find it. We call this the mystery sick. You will find it later when in company. Hint: It’s usually down your sleeve.
9. “How did he get in here?”
That morning when you wake up and no one is sure WHO brought the baby into the bed in the middle of the night.
10. “Let’s have another.”
That moment when presumably you have both lost your minds or are suffering from temporary amnesia. Go with it sure they’ll raise each other.
