Five simple reasons my house will never be tidy: an Irish mum’s confession

There are only very rare occasions when I would define my house as ‘tidy’.

It’s a transient status achieved only when someone – perhaps a parent or parent-in-law – comes around for something fancy like Easter lunch. Prior to their arrival, we’ve had a mad-dash bout of hovering, and spraying, and hiding away, and of putting out the good soap in the bathrooms. Once they leave, we might get to enjoy an hour or so of the gorgeous tidiness we created... Before things descend into their usual state of madness and mess. But, with two small kids in the house, I maintain that it’s just not actually possibly to ever truly have a tidy house. Here are my five reasons why… 1) So much stuff From the moment they’re born, babies come with So. Much. Stuff. And the paraphernalia of childhood piles up quickly. I consider myself good at chucking the toys, clothes, and books that are no longer in use. But even the most ruthless of anti-hoarders couldn’t stay apace of what children amass. And as they grow, they start to remember – and so your ability to throw out even a little bit of the mess diminishes until you’re almost exclusively surrounded by 'stuff'. 2) There’s a cycle Unless you’re selling your property or have Airbnb guests arriving, it’s just absolutely unrealistic to have the entire house clean at any one stage. Because if the bathrooms are done, then the bedsheets need changing. And if the kitchen has been cleaned, then the stairs require hovering. Don’t get me started on laundry (which as every mum knows is the definition of never-ending) or the garden (that’s so far down my list of priorities) either. 3) I’m too tired Aka could not be arsed. When the kids go to bed in the evening, that’s me time: time for Netflix and wine and aimless scrolling through the internet. I could technically tidy and clean during this 8pm-11pm time-slot, but unless the place is really dirty in a danger-to-your-health kinda way, frankly it’s not gonna happen. 4) Small children are messy Much like they come with ‘stuff’ (see point No. 1) small children also delight in making as much mess as possible as quickly as possible. A clean and tidy environment, in fact, in their eyes is just crying out for a splattering of paper, and crayons, and toys, and Weetabix, and crackers, and smears of butter, and the train set, and every soft toy they own, and Frozen and Moana DVDs, and those soft plastic mini fruit and vegetable characters that Lidl gave out last year. 5) I’ve become accustomed to it Frankly, I don’t think I even see the mess half the time – that’s just how I now live. It’s my new normal. Every (occasional) time it’s clean and tidy I think ‘oh this is nice we should do this more’ but ultimately when it comes down to it, I never truly believe it’s in utter disarray so sure feck it (also see No.3 above).