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09th Mar 2017

To all my friends who became mums first

Sharyn Hayden

There are a tonne of things about parenting that you will have zero concept of until you have kids.

You get on about your life in a carefree, can wear-high-heels-all-day-if-I-like kind of a way and vaguely wonder why you haven’t seen your mate out as much since she popped that baby.


Later on, after you become that baby-popper too, you begin to appreciate all that your mate was actually dealing with, while you were waffling on at her about the Jaeger Bombs that you necked with that drag queen at the weekend.

This is my list of apologies to the friends who had babies before I did:

1. The mild irritation I felt when you couldn’t concentrate as I was trying to relay my latest boyfriend drama. Now I know that all you CAN hear is the ‘Mammy, mammy, mammy?’ on repeat.


2. For missing the christenings and birthday parties because I just didn’t know how very important they were, or how much effort went into organising them, as I wandered around my flat, hungover, and watching Will & Grace re-runs.

3. For not making a bigger deal of you for amazingly having kids and putting a brave face on it. I should have given you a cake, a voucher for the hairdressers, something to celebrate your awesomeness.

4. For not offering to babysit at all, ever. You must have needed a break, even to have a shower, and I never got in touch to say ‘I have a free couple of hours – need a hand?’


5. For falling out of touch just because I thought you weren’t interested in hanging out anymore. The reality is that you were probably just so busy being a mum that you didn’t have time to think about anything else, least of all me. I totally should have been a better friend who stuck by you, let you know I was thinking about you and checked in more.

I’m so, so sorry.

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