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02nd Jun 2023

New dad called ‘demanding’ over list of guidelines to visit newborn son


A new dad has been slammed for his “demanding” list of guidelines to visit his newborn son.

He explained that both he and his wife’s families are not “super clear on the whole ‘boundaries’ deal when it comes to newborns” and, as he was feeling anxious about being a new parent, he sent out some rules for those who wanted to come visit.

“Three days ago, my wife and I had our first baby – a boy,” his Reddit post began.

“Neither of our families are super clear on the whole ‘boundaries’ deal when it comes to newborns. My parents are very old fashioned and think that letting your kid eat dirt is better than any vaccine and my wife’s just have a tendency to be very me-me-me.”

He said that they had held off on people visiting them for the first day, before he sent out the guidelines.

In them, he asked that nobody sick come to visit and that there be no children under 18 as “schools are a breeding ground for viruses.”

“As well, because my mother is a heavy perfume user, I made a general note asking everyone to either go with light or no fragrance,” he wrote. “There were some other things I threw in, asking people to let me know what time they’d like to come, keep it between 9-5, stay for an hour or less, no gifts since it’ll be a hassle to bring home, and try to keep visits to 3-4 people at a time.”

He added that while he had felt a little overbearing, his wife. had read it and said that it seemed fine. While some people had sent back “snippy replies,” most of them let him know when they would come around – except for both sets of grandparents.

“My parents show up at about noon, while my aunt is already there with her husband and their two (adult) children. I ask my parents to wait outside for a bit so they can finish up their visit without overwhelming my wife and I, but my aunt is polite and decides to cut her time short,” he continued. “Without asking, my mother takes the baby and undoes his swaddle. My parents are mostly pleasant.

“An hour later, my parents are still there and my in-laws show up, their grandson in tow. My wife tells them that they can’t bring him in. Their grandson starts to cry and my MIL starts to scold us for forbidding children, so my father pipes up saying that we’re being too coddling.”

Then, he recalled how his mother told him they were being “rude and cold,” claiming that as the newborn’s grandmother “it’s her right to visit the baby when she pleases and she shouldn’t have to ‘RSVP’ to her grandson’s birth”.

“She calls me impolite for sending out a ‘demanding’ email like I did and insists that if I regulate my son as strictly as I did his visitings, he’ll grow up resenting my wife and I,” his post continued.

“We told them to go, and my mother told me she raised me too well to have me be so rude to my own family. My MIL said that if my wife didn’t ‘crack down on me’, they’d never be visiting again. My wife has changed her tune about the whole thing and thinks I was being too combative,” he said. “I really don’t think I was that wrong in exercising my boundaries, and I think that them not listening is proof it was needed.”

Most of the Reddit users agreed with the dad and supported his list of guidelines, however some agreed with the parents.

You can read the post in full here