Our A-Z of first-time parenthood series continues with ‘E’ which is for eating, exercise and everything is brilliant. Natch.
E is for eating…
Obviously eating is essential to surviving, but it is also essential to surviving the early days of first-time parenthood. If people come to visit you without food, turn them away. It is simply not acceptable to arrive at the house of new parents without some kind of sustenance. Whatever about eating for two during pregnancy, it is absolutely essential to eat for two while breastfeeding. Eating and watching endless telly are the main perks of breastfeeding (we hear there’s some kind of health benefits also), so we suggest you do both with gusto. The types of food ideal for consumption when you are a new parent all fall under the umbrella heading of ‘One Handers’. Your sandwiches, your pizzas, your general snack foods, all perfect for chowing down while the baby is munching on your boob. If you are a nursing mother, there is another little-known bonus: an extra meal in the middle of the night. The hunger of breastfeeding is such that additional nourishment is required when the baby is feeding through the night so a cup of tea and a bowl of granola wouldn’t go amiss (partners take note). Nursing or not once you have a brand new baby in your care the days of enjoying a leisurely meal are pretty much over. I was known to consume the components of my meals while pacing the floors to soothe the baby in a sling. They say that you really know you are a mother when you have mastered the art of buttering a slice of toast one-handed. We reckon you know you’re a mother when the baby arrives covered in goo and when you can consume your toast and butter separately and think nothing of it.
E is for everything is sh*t…
At some point, this thought will cross your mind. If it doesn’t, then you are very lucky indeed and also quite possibly in severe denial.
E is also for everything is brilliant…
At another point, this thought will probably cross your mind. Cling to this for the times when everything is sh*t pops back into your head. It’s pretty likely that you will veer wildly between everything is sh*t, and everything is brilliant for much of the first 6-60 weeks of parenthood. Just remember that it is 90 per cent hormonal, 10 per cent your baby is a b**tard.
E is also for exercise…
Exercise is key to getting back your pre-baby body. Joke. You are never getting your pre-baby body back. And who even wants that body back anyway? That body was crap. This new body made a human. And it is has developed a new bodily function in the form of lactating. And the new body has a squidgy fat belly-shelf perfect for resting a packet of biscuits on. The new body is bangin’ we reckon. The thing that exercise is good for is getting out and about with the baby for the purposes of stalking other new mums in your locale. It is essential to befriend these women, they will be your maternity leave mates.
