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05th Sep 2023

Woman considers divorcing husband after he asks her to be a stay at home mum to avoid creche costs

Ellen Fitzpatrick

A mum of three has been left fuming after her husband revealed to her that he would be refusing to pay for child-care costs, instead asking her to become a stay-at-home mum.

The woman took to Mumsnet to share her thoughts on the situation, she even admitted she is considering ending their relationship.

The woman said her husband currently earns €150k a year and has asked her to become a stay-at-home mum, meaning she would have to quit her part-time job which pays €24,500 a year.

Adding that there was no way she could afford to cover the cost of childcare on her wage alone as she has three children under three, the couple initially agreed that she would only work three days a week as creche costs for five days were too much.

After also agreeing to split the cost of the mortgage and nursery bills 75 percent to 25 percent, with the mum paying less, it all changed while she was recently on maternity leave.

After coming into financial difficulty, the husband asked if they could save money by withdrawing his share of nursery costs, later asking if she would stop working altogether.

She wrote: “Financially we were very secure before having our third so at the time, the decision to have a third was okay. My husband is now refusing to pay for nursery for two of the girls.

“He is demanding that I quit my job and be a stay-at-home mum to look after the children. I will not be able to work part-time and afford nursery based on my salary alone. Am I being unreasonable to want to keep my job so that I also have a source of income?

“Am I being unreasonable to expect my husband to pay for nursery considering his salary compared to mine? Especially considering I am only earning statutory maternity pay?”

She added: “Financially, I will be better off with a divorce and I think the way our relationship has turned since falling pregnant with our 3rd, it seems like the only option.

“I keep giving chances to DH [Darling Husband] to change and I have refrained from contacting lawyers due to the fact that I wanted to keep a family unit for the children.”

One person took to the comments to share their thoughts, saying: “When married with kids, all income should be pooled. And I’m begging you not to become a stay-at-home in that scenario. He’s being utterly selfish. Does he not realise they are his offspring as much as yours?”

Another said: “Do not quit your job, even if you have to use all of your salary. You can claim child benefit and then your husband would have to pay it back through his tax. Ask him if he would rather go about things in this way.”