We’re at it again. At the beginning of almost every single year since Jacob was born (2011) we have moved house.
He was six months old when we first moved into a rented house, a year later, we moved to another rented house, the year after that, we bought our first home.
We gave ourselves a wee break last year and now this year, we’re building an extension. IDIOTS.
Cue much drama and flailing of the hands and drinking of the wine as we, the two kids and our dog have moved..den den DENNNN!!!.. into my parent’s house.
Thankfully it’s just around the corner from where we live now, but the upheaval is still the exact same. No matter how far you go, you still have to pack everything up, empty the kitchen and fridge, choose the kid’s favourite toys to bring and realise what a ridiculous amount of plastic bags you are hoarding under the stairs.
And you lose stuff on the way. Loads of stuff. It’s ridiculous.
If you are about to move house, be warned that you may lose some or all of the following:
1. Half of the baby monitor
You would assume that we’d have packed both parts of the monitor, what with us having a child young enough to require monitoring but oh no, one bit of it has gone missing. And to be honest, I’m not even entirely sure what end of it we do have.
2. Your free time
Not content with packing bags and scouring one house clean as you were leaving it, you will now spend every waking moment also cleaning your new house and UN-packing all the bags you just packed. Just accept it and go with the flow: you missed your calling as a charwoman and you’ll get back to watching E! in about two weeks.
3. Your sensible shoes
Nobody in their right mind is happy to go to work, clean the house, do the school run, bring the kids to the playground or do the weekly shop in high heeled boots. However, that is precisely what I have been doing this week because I can’t find my flat shoes! I seriously look like I’m trying to emulate Carrie from Sex and the City or any W.A.G. you can think of. I may start insisting on wearing ballgowns for breakfast.
4. The family’s routine
The slightest change in our kid’s routine sets them off into a whirlwind of chaos for a few days. Jacob has refused to go to school two days out of four, Eva is seemingly allergic to the travel cot and goes ballistic whenever we attempt to put her down in it, our dog has protest-rolled herself in cat faeces out the back garden twice, and my partner and I have overslept every single day. I like to call this week ‘Unprecedented Levels of Chaos’.
5. Your sex life
I’m just going to ask the question: how the hell are we ever going to have sex while living with my parents for the next three months? I’m tempted to book us in to a hotel here and there for some alone time but then I’m going to be asking my parents if we can live with them AND if they’ll babysit overnight here and there. Bit much, innit? The backseat of the car might have to start looking good.. if we could just figure where else to put the car seats for the duration.
6. Your plans to start the year healthily
While I am entirely opposed to starting the new year with fad diets and promises to never drink again, I do admit to at least thinking about my lifestyle and how to improve it in January. But moving house at the beginning of the month puts paid to that as you scramble to rid your old home of any perishables immediately – thus eating a combination of eggs, avocados, yoghurt, pasta and fresh cream washed down with Baileys for the week prior to leaving. Then there is our family motto of getting through hard times, which is: ‘Let’s drink through it!’ which we have been doing almost every night. Moving house = borderline alcoholism.
7. Your kid’s favourite toys
We are missing one essential teddy bear for Eva’s nap time plus one Batman Lego figure which completes the Green-Goblin-has-gone-to-jail situation. Like, who the actual fock is going to guard him, if not Batman? Needless to say, he has escaped a lot and it’s all mammy’s fault. I predict a trip to Smyths at the weekend. FML.
8. Your mind
A recent study stated that moving house was considered the most stressful of all the major life events that a person can experience. Managing it with two small kids in tow can be tricky but as veteran house-movers, we do have some relatively fresh experience under our belts. While we have made a deal with each other to keep our eyes on the end prize and try not to get stressed out if we can help it, I did notice a little coldsore forming this morning. The stress is there, lurking, even though I swear I’m doing my best to continue smiling on the outside.
Have you moved house recently? Share your stories with us!
