Foster mum and mental health blogger Rachel Hillestad, recently posted a picture of a Cookie Monster toothbrush to her Facebook page in a moving tribute to her eight-year-old foster child.
A writer who blogs on everything from her emergency hysterecto
“It took his left-behind toothbrush to undo me. I’m sitting here in a parking lot sobbing my guts out. He was mine for two and a half weeks, but those days and nights saw him smile, sleep through the night instead of freezing awake in terror, swing for hours on the swings my kids take for granted. He called me Mama and I told him every time I left that if I said I would come back, I would. I prepared him for his new home as well as I could, but now it’s nap time and his new mom says he misses me. I texted her a picture to show him.
The number one thing people say to me is, “I could never do foster care. I would get too attached.” Guess what: I’m just like you. I “got attached”. I was the only one who could get him to sleep or knew exactly what kind of jam he liked on his toast. I helped him through his diahrrea and got frustrated when he broke Christmas ornaments. I watched him as he slept.”
Rachel, who says that she has since received hundreds of emails from adults who grew up in the foster care system as children, continued:
“My answer to those people who say that is this: I absolutely get attached. I wonder where they are now. They visit me in my dreams, and sometimes I wake up with a wet face. It hurts. Sometimes in those moments it hurts to breathe. You know what I know even MORE, though? I’d rather these sweet babies know my love than never know it. I would carry their hurt inside my own adult heart if it meant there was less in their tiny sad one.
There is absolutely no reason that an eight year old who watched his mother be murdered not know the love of a stranger. It’s absolutely criminal that a two year old sit in a social worker’s office for two days in dirty clothes because I’m afraid I’d get too attached. I got attached. Getting attached has been the greatest pleasure and honor of my entire life.”
The Irish Foster Care Association describes foster care as the preferred option for children who cannot live with their parents as a result of abuse or neglect and their parents’ inability to care for them due to a combination of difficulties in their own lives. Foster carers are expected to support contact with the children’s parents and family and must be approved by the Child and Family Agency prior to any child being placed with them.
Could you foster a child or would you find it too difficult to love a child and let them go? Let us know your thoughts in the Facebook comments.
