Mum shares emotional post about loving the child she never planned to have
This is too real.
Mother-of-two, Olivyah Bowens, shared an emotional post on Instagram talking about her experience loving a child that she never planned to have.
Olivyah's pregnancy with her oldest child, Ozara, was unplanned. The post shows Ozara, now two, in the middle of throwing a tantrum.
Olivyah's poignant beginning to the caption reads: "No one teaches you to love a child you didn't plan to have."
It seems bleak but she goes on to talk about the effect her daughter had on her life and the way motherhood changed her.
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No one teaches you how to love a child you didn't plan to have. No one shows you how to traverse the emotional complexity of loving a child you weren't happy about being pregnant with. It's even more difficult at those times when they're having tantrums and pushing you to a point of emotional exhaustion. ... It's confusing. When the same people who told you that you pretty much ruined your life are smiling ear to ear at your baby shower a few months later. It's hard.. Looking at a beautiful baby and being bogged down by the thoughts of how you will take care of them and how much life will change. It's so easy.. To project the pain of your wounded inner child onto your baby. It is the lethal cycle of undealth with trauma. ... This stage of motherhood has forced me to look at my reflection in my daughter's eyes and realize that no I don't enjoy being a mother all the time, but this child has been the catalyst for major growth. She is the mirror that allows me to look into my past and see the fears still controlling me now. ... When we heal our deepest pains we are speaking to our ancestors across the space time illusion and holding a cross-generational conversation within our dna that heals old wounds and rectifies long lost problems. Motherhood hasn't just healed me it's healed the mother's that came before me. ... The reality is I don't want to be a mother everyday. I don't want to feel held back from chasing my dreams and goals. I don't want to be exhausted. But I KNOW this little girl has brought me face to face with things that would have otherwise been ignored in my bubble of childless freedom. ... Dear mama, who is going through an unplanned pregnancy, don't feel guilty, don't feel afraid, don't feel ashamed. That baby chose YOU to be it's mothers at the perfect time. Surrender to the journey of unpredictability and let this new being show you a whole new part of yourself you didn't know was there. 🦋#takebackpostpartum #thefourthtrimester #motherhoodunplugged #birthofamama #blackmomsblog #milenialmom
It is a post that can speak to all mothers, especially young mothers, whether their pregnancies were planned or unplanned.
"The reality is I don't want to be a mother everyday. I don't want to feel held back from chasing my dreams and goals. I don't want to be exhausted. But I KNOW this little girl has brought me face to face with things that would have otherwise been ignored in my bubbles of childless freedom."
Every mother has days when they long for a different life, times when they wonder what their path would have been had they not had a child, maybe even a few moments of resentment.
Olivyah talks about the difficulty of dealing with these feelings. In particular, with an unplanned pregnancy, it's hard to make the transition from unwanted pregnancy to wanted and loved baby.
"It's confusing. When the same people who told you that you pretty much ruined your life are smiling ear to ear at your baby shower a few months later."
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How do you do it? It must be crazy? You're gonna have your hands full. I would be going crazy. ... When people see I have two little children there's always this look of I'm sorry mixed with "gods speed" and it makes me chuckle. Although this is not the easiest thing I've done it's not that big of a deal to me, because I don't make it a big deal. Yes I'm sleep deprived. Yes it's physically exhausting and emotionally draining. Yes I want a nanny😂. But these are my babies and I love them, I am soaking in every moment of their little-ness before they're looking at me saying "ma can you hold the baby". ... WU WEI ... Doing not doing. That is the key for me. . . . . . . . #motherhood #blackmomsblog #conciousliving #veganmama #love #doula #doulasrock #blackmomsdobabywear #motherhoodrising #littleandbrave #mommyblogger #parenthood #babies #blackfamilies #herholisticpath #momlife #blackgirlmagic #blackwomendobabywear #fourthtrimester #blackishmom #wivesandmothers
Having a baby is wonderful thing but no matter how much planning a mother has done before the pregnancy or the birth, nothing can prepare you for a whole person's life suddenly being entirely dependant on you.
In her emotional post, Olivyah encourages mothers to embrace all aspects of motherhood, including those moments of feeling unsure or overwhelmed.
"Dear mama, who is going through an unplanned pregnancy, don't feel guilty, don't feel afraid, don't feel ashamed. That baby chose YOU to be it's [sic] mothers at the perfect time. Surrender to the joy of unpredictability and let this new being show you a whole new part of yourself you didn't know was there."