Our alternative A-Z guide to first-time parenthood continues with 'J'. 'J' is for joy, jeopardy, jaundice and jammies... Joy For many, the first few weeks of parenthood are ones of profound joy. Don't worry if the joy isn't in evidence 100 per cent of the time, that level of delight would be hard to maintain even on twelve hours of sleep a night never mind if you have been awake for roughly nineteen days and counting. In fact, a lot of the joy experienced during the first few weeks for first timers is, if we're honest, derived from the baby going to sleep. Sure we love love love our babies, but we also love love love a few hours sleep. Jeopardy Once you have spawned out a beautiful, cherished, squalling little baby, the world can suddenly seem like a cruel and dark place full of peril and danger. You will possibly find yourself turning on innocuous household items like hangers and cling film as if they are conniving predators intent on hurting your bouncing bundle of spawn. Don't bother fretting about whether this hyper-vigilance is normal, after all you're way too busy fretting about the corners of the coffee table – despite the fact that the baby is still unable to roll over yet never mind throw itself into the path of oncoming coffee tables. Jaundice A few day's after his birth my son took on a strange yellowish tinge. My first thought was: "Oh my god, where did he get such an amazing colour???" which has to be the most Irish response to jaundice ever. Luckily the jaundice faded after a couple of days and he no longer looks like a cast member from Jersey Shore. Jaundice is one of the more unnerving newborn ailments that can very occasionally be serious. Here're tips for when it's time to see a doctor. Jammies Early parenthood is a time for cuddling up with the baby, eating a lot of chocolate digestives to keep your milk supply up and generally sleeping WHENever, WHEREever you possibly can. It is NOT the time for bothering to get dressed. A few months in you may feel up to dragging a hairbrush through your hair, putting on some non-elasticated pants and braving the Outside World, until then just stick to the jammies, at no other time will it be acceptable to stay undressed for such an extended period – embrace it. I had to have my jammies surgically removed when The Baby was about four months old and even then it was only because we had run out of chocolate digestives and I had to go to the shops. Check out the full Alternative A-Z Guide to First-time Parenthood...