As I slowly but surely reach the end of my 30’s (tell anyone and you’re off the Christmas card list), that ole question remains looming overhead; ‘Should we have any more kids?’
We decided that we were done after our second child came along, happy to have been fortunate enough to have two healthy kids and that we had just enough resources to comfortably raise them.
And then I started thinking about all the things I miss about being pregnant – which doesn’t bode well, when my man and I have said ‘No going backsies’ on our baby decision.
(We shook on it and everything, so that sh*t is locked DOWN).
So in the interests of keeping my broodiness at bay, I am giving myself daily reminders of all I didn’t miss about being pregnant too:
1. The Heartburn
I wasn’t a nauseous pregnant lady but by gob did I have heartburn in abundance. We’re talking necking Gaviscon by the bottle and sleeping upright for about five months. Not cool.
2. The Appointments
I totally loved every minute of our scans, but did I love sitting around hospital and doctor’s stuffy waiting rooms for hours at a time with a toddler in tow? NOPE.
3. The Sexual Frustration
The mega hormone surge when you’re pregnant means that horniness levels can be off the charts. But the tiredness levels are ALSO off the charts simultaneously, so even if you wanted to have sex, you have fallen asleep, drooling, before you can say, ‘Fancy a…’
4. The Public Weeing
I can count at least four times that I wee’d myself during conversations with other people while I was pregnant. You know, I just laughed or sneeze and then a mortified silence would descend on the conversation while everyone figured out if we should comment on the visible wet patch. Scarlet.
5. The Drama
‘You can’t go to a gig at a basement venue, what if something happens?!’ That would be my other half talking. We were in a constant state of panic for the last trimester of each pregnancy, worried about going anywhere ‘too far’ in case we wouldn’t get to the hospital on time if the baby decided that he or she are coming. As it happens, my second baby was WAY overdue. Drama Queens.
6. The Pressure
Not from other people to get rid of the dog, make parenting decisions way in advance of becoming parents, to find out the sex of the baby OR figure out if I was having the epidural or not RIGHT NOW. Not that pressure (but that too). I’m talking about the actual pressure of the weight of the baby on my Fandora Region. Constant and brutal.
7. The Restrictions
Don’t eat this, don’t eat that, don’t stand up for too long, don’t sit down for too long, don’t fly, don’t work out, don’t use chemicals to clean the house, don’t lift that, don’t dye your hair… OH STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, BABY!
8. The Clothes
Not that I am a dedicated follower of fashion by any stretch of the imagination, but I am allergic to maternity wear. I just couldn’t ever find anything I really liked and no matter how hard I tried to be that trendy preggo woman, I looked more like Linda from Gimme Gimme Gimme every time.
Right, I’m off to have this list laminated for my wallet!
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