Our guest blogger this week is funny mum Sharon Mannion who is currently appearing as Concepta in ‘Bridget and Eamonn’ on RTE2. Her one-woman show ‘The Curse of the Accordion Button’ is at Smock Alley Theatre, Dublin, on February 23rd and 24th.
“Being pregnant is an amazing experience.
For the most part, people mean well and are keen to support you through what can be a trying time. Having thankfully come out the other side with a beautiful baby boy, there are a few things I observed along my journey that I wish I knew before – some helpful reminders if you will – that might be worth bearing in mind the next time you, or someone you know, find yourself expecting.
1. If a woman is visibly pregnant, chances are she’s in serious discomfort twenty-four hours a day
I did not know this.
I’ve spent my life thinking that being pregnant must be akin to carrying around a beach ball while daydreaming about all the fun ways you can play with it.
Little did I know it’s more like hauling around a large pig, while having panic attacks on the hour as you imagine new ways you’re going to end up being the cause of its chronic unhappiness and/or death.
2. Preparation might not be everything, but it is something
My whole approach to pregnancy was to try and ignore that it was happening and carry on as normal for as long as I could.
Kind of like my approach to a hostage situation, if I ever find myself caught up in one.
It has its merits, it makes those first few months sail by, but when people start asking you about your birthing plan it starts to feel like a baaaad idea.
I did not have birthing plan. Or at least, my birthing plan was to not have a birthing plan. Not having a birthing plan is not necessarily a bad plan, just you should probably plan something a little plannier than sticking your fingers in your ears and going ‘La la la la la la la’.
You get the idea.
3. Your mothers birthing story is just that, her birthing story!!
It does not mean you will have the same experience. My mother had relatively ‘easy’ births. I gleefully quoted her announcement that she would rather have another baby than visit the dentist, to anyone who would listen to me. Didn’t you hear me? I would cry. She was fine! No epidural, no nothing. She even had a roast chicken dinner through one of her labours before it was taken off her by a horrified midwife.
I had been to the dentist, I had just been through three and a half years of adult braces including an operation to open the roof of my mouth to pull down adult teeth that were growing in there for God’s sake, I was going to sail through this.
Oh the naivety.
4. The nice treatment doesn’t have to stop when the baby is born
See the way you dance around that eight-months’ pregnant woman, see the way you go and get her a seat in a public place.
See the way you ask her if she’s ok, if she needs anything, if she’s comfortable, how she feels about herself and life in general.
See the way you make her tea and bring her chocolate and giver her hugs and tell her she’s great?
Yeah, can you do that for her the first three months* that the baby’s here please? ‘Cos that’s when she’s really going to need it.
The world loves pregnant women, like the world loved Macaulay Culkin circa Home Alone. They weren’t so keen on him when things got ugly and he was battling a heroin addiction.
*If at all possible, keep that fabulous treatment going for the first eighteen years.
6. Take it easy on the weight comments
At around week thirty-five, my comments went from ‘You look great, you haven’t even put on much weight’ to ‘You’ll lose the weight in no time once the baby comes’ and worse, no comments at all.
And while we’re at it, can we all agree to never put “the” before weight while discussing someone’s figure.
‘Oh Sharon, you’ve lost weight’? = Sharon, you always look fab but you look even trimmer around the middle than you did before
‘Oh Sharon, you’ve lost THE weight’? = Thank God Sharon, you were the size of a Rhino, we talked about you all the time. You’re still fat but at least you’re not morbidly obese now.
You get the gist.
7. Make no assumptions
And finally, just remember that you have no idea how this woman feels mentally, particularly if this is her first, so try to resist over using phrases like: ‘Are you just sooooooooo excited’, ‘I bet you can’t wait’, ‘Your life will be turned upside down’, ‘You’ll never sleep again’.
You don’t know what her personal circumstances are, this might not be the best news for her. It might have come at the wrong time. She might have had a traumatic pregnancy or birthing experience before. Or it might be great news and have come at the perfect time. Either way, she is most likely shitting a brick.
About everything.
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