DNA does not a parent make.
Families are formed in all sorts of ways, with love playing a much larger role than blood.
It’s why many of us have an “aunt” that isn’t actually the sister of either of our parents. Why some of us choose to skip the “step” label when referring to immediate family members we weren’t born with, but gained along the way. Why some even feel more of a sense of “home” with their nearest and dearest friends than they do with those who raised them.
This is something the vast majority of us know and respect, particularly when it comes to children. Anyone who has ever been a parent or caregiver knows how much work children require. And regardless of one’s biological relationship to a child, if they’re doing that work, they clearly have an unconditional amount of love for that kid.
It’s therefore beyond comprehension how a nurse who works with children doesn’t understand that adoptive parents are “real” parents.
One mum has shared her shock and anger at a paediatric nurse telling her that her daughter isn’t her daughter simply because the child was adopted.
Taking to Reddit to vent, the mum explained that she and her partner adopted their little girl two years ago. They have no biological children and don’t plan on having any just yet.
Their daughter, now six, is aware that she is adopted. “We’ve made it clear time and time again that even though she didn’t come from my ‘belly’ we still love her and treat her as if she did,” the mum wrote.
A couple of days ago, the mum took her daughter to a paediatrician as she had been suffering from a cold and said one of her ears “felt full”. The doctor gave her a check-up and said her ear would eventually drain out, so they were given the go-ahead to leave.
“The nurse comes in with the discharge sheet, and commented that she would have never assumed that I was the mother of my daughter since I looked nothing like her, which I don’t (for obvious reasons),” she said.
“So then I said ‘Oh yeah, we adopted her so that’s why she doesn’t look me or my husband.’ Then, this nurse goes, ‘Oh okay, so she isn’t your daughter.'”
Confused, the mum reiterated: “She is my daughter, we adopted her a few years back,” only for the nurse to reply: “But technically she isn’t your daughter, and her real mom is somewhere else.”
Shocked and starting to get upset, the mum again stated, “But she IS my daughter and I AM her mom.”
Despite the fact that the mother was clearly distressed by her comments and that they were made in front of her child, the nurse didn’t back down.
“The nurse kind of sighed and said ‘okay maybe legally you are, but her real mom is the one that gave birth to her,'” the woman continued. “My daughter was looking up at me kind of confused and I can’t even imagine what was going through her head.”
Exasperated, she told the nurse: “I keep telling you that I am her mother, and you keep denying that, in front of my daughter no less,” to which the nurse answered: “I’m just stating a fact. Biologically she’s not yours.”
The mum once again replied that yes, her daughter is not biologically hers because she’s adopted. “We ADOPTED her and gave her a home. What, I have to push her out my vagina to be her mother?” she asked, to which the nurse said, “Well, that’s the dictionary definition of what a mom is.”
Infuriated, the woman absolutely lost it and went off on one, telling the nurse to “wash her mouth of the bullshit she had been saying”.
She took her daughter home and was still “shaken up” by the incident when they arrived at the house to her husband.
“I told him what had happened. He told me that the nurse was really dumb for saying that, but I shouldn’t have blown up on her like that,” she said, asking commenters if she was out of order.
Reddit users, however, disagreed, with most saying the mum was well within her rights to tear the nurse a new one.
“As a nurse… call the office manager and report that nurse,” one person wrote. “She was beyond unprofessional for every single word of that AND she said it in front of your daughter?!”
“She is not only unprofessional but violated the nursing code of ethics,” another nurse agreed.
“Please report this nurse. It’s incredibly unprofessional, and she needs to be reprimanded. Who knows what insensitive thing she’ll say to someone a lot more vulnerable?” someone else said, with someone else adding: “Exactly this. Please report this person asap. This condescending attitude, especially in front of your child, is completely unacceptable. The doubling down with the whole definition response is what made my blood boil… Someone that speaks to clients this way is entitled and ignorant. She definitely doesn’t listen to her patients and that’s frustrating at the least and dangerous at the most.”
Another suggested the nurse likely thinks that those who had C-sections aren’t “real moms either, because they didn’t push the child out of their vaginas”.
Thanking everyone for their advice, the mum gave an update saying that they returned to the clinic to file a complaint.
“Hopefully it will turn out in our favour, and in favour of those who don’t exactly have a so-called traditional family,” she finished.
