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Family dynamics

10th Jul 2018

Parents and grandparents discuss ‘unwanted gifts’ and it gets heated

Olivia Hayes

We get it, to be honest.

Whether it’s friends, aunts, or grandparents, we all receive presents for our children that are just not suitable.

Sometimes it might be clothes that are too small, a toy that they already have, or a playset that isn’t suitable for their age.

Saying that, we are always grateful for what we and our kids receive, and would never be rude about an unwanted gift.

That’s what sparked off this discussion on Gransnet. One grandmother took to the forum to say that she read on another online forum about how parents “these days” throw gifts back in grandparents’ faces.

“The comments shocked me. Buying a swing for eight month old grandchild is now , in some quarters, a hanging offence. Yes, there may be some irritation at relatives but we’ve all been there as young parents.”

She then began to list off comments that “shocked” her:

*When they give you another unwanted gift just hand it back and say ‘I don’t want this”

“Be firm and stop caring if they like you. Put crudely – you have what they want – DS – they do not have anything you want, you are in control of this relationship whether they like it or not so stop.”*

She then added:

“Us grandparents don’t have anything they want? There are so many angry and IMO deluded people out there.”

Many grandparents agreed with the poster, and said that most are in “their own world.”

“[It’s] largely populated by the ‘my way or no way’ brigade. Losers. My DD and DiL wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole.”

While another said:

“It’s the strident tone I don’t like, and lack of feeling towards the other person (in this case grandparents.) There’s a lot of talk about establishing boundaries and overstepping boundaries. I have never thought like this and thankfully my children and their spouses don’t talk like this. It’s a very unpleasant trend.”

What do you think, mamas? How would you return a gift if you didn’t like it or it wasn’t suitable?