It’s better to give than to receive (when it comes to your spouse)

We've all heard the old saying that it's better to give than to receive. Insert rude joke here. But seriously, there is now evidence to show that doing nice things for your other half is rewarding in itself.

Psychologists have found that the emotional benefits of compassionate acts are significant for the giver, even if the recipient is not aware of the kind act. Harry Reis, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester in New York, led a research team that studied newlywed husbands and wives who were married an average of 7.17 months,

"Our study was designed to test a hypothesis put forth by Tenzin Gyatso, the current Dalai Lama, that compassionate concern for others' welfare enhances one's own affective state."

For example, if your hubby notices that the windshield on your car is covered in ice, he might defrost it for you before driving to work. That small gesture would boost his emotional well-being, regardless of whether or not you even noticed. The team of psychologists asked participants in the study to keep a two-week daily diary to record examples when either spouse put aside their personal wishes in order to meet their partner's needs. But the researchers also needed to assess the emotional well-being of the individuals. To that end, the participants kept a note of their daily emotional states for each day based on 14 positive and negative terms - such as enthusiastic, happy, calm, sad, angry, and hurt. Over the course of the two week period, husbands and wives reported giving and receiving an average of .65 and .59 compassionate acts each day, with husbands perceiving more acts than their partners did. The acts included such things as changing personal plans for their partner's sake, doing something that showed their partner was valued, and expressing their love for the spouse. Before the study, the psychologists predicted that the greatest impact on the 'giver' would come when the act was recognised by the 'receiver', because recognition would make the giver feel valued. Although that prediction was confirmed, the researchers also discovered something else,

"Clearly, a recipient needs to notice a compassionate act in order to emotionally benefit from it. But recognition is much less a factor for the donor."

Professor Reis says the study's results suggest that "acting compassionately may be its own reward." Nawww. Join the conversation on Twitter @HerFamilydotie