‘Am I wrong for telling my daughter we don’t care if she fails her exam?’

Anna Martin

Exam season is upon us and it’s stressful

Though we parents might not be the ones taking the tests, if you have a nervous child it can feel like you can’t help them.

Even when you have the best intentions, sometimes things you say can get lost in translation and end in an argument.

That’s exactly what happened to one dad and now he’s turning to Reddit to get other people’s advice on the situation.

“I’ve got a 15-year-old daughter who is very very nervous when it comes to exams. I mean, stops wanting to eat anything, stops smiling, and stops leaving her room.

“Anytime we ask her if she wants to do anything all she says is, ‘I have to study,” he wrote.

“She has a semi-important exam coming up, so it’s been her usual routine. My wife and I always get worried about her, and we’ve constantly told her that it matters more how much she tries. She doesn’t care, it’s all about the results for her.

“She told me about one of the exams getting rescheduled, so she now has less time to study. I only want her to get above a B in three subjects that she is opting for the following academic semester. One of those subjects is Physics, and her Computer Science test landed on the day of Physics.

“I told her she didn’t have to study for Computer Science if she didn’t want to, and if she got an F, who cares? The school wouldn’t, and my wife and I definitely wouldn’t.”

So following her dad’s advice, the daughter didn’t study for the exam and still got a passing grade, but it’s not up to her mother’s standards.

As a result, she is now insisting that the daughter be punished for her actions as the main explained, “Now she’s mad at the both of us: Me for speaking for her, and allowing my daughter to fail without checking in with my wife, and my daughter for neglecting an important subject, and now having a C- on her report card.”

It appears that most of Reddit had taken his side with one person commenting, “Your wife is the reason for your daughter’s anxiety.

“Your wife can’t tell her it only matters how much she tries then gets annoyed when she gets below B and is surprised face when her kid develops anxiety about her exams! That’s not healthy.”

Another wrote, “You’re not wrong. Your daughter needs to understand that she won’t die if she gets a bad grade. And school is a good opportunity to learn to fail, and come back stronger.”

“It’s great that your daughter aims for excellence but being so afraid of failure is something that will drag her down in university and future jobs,” added another in support of the dad.