Oh, god.
Before you give birth, there’s a lot you need to think about.
Are you going to get pain relief? Do you have your bag packed? Do you want your partner up the top or down the bottom?
Loads to think about.
Another thing that lots of expectant mums think about before giving birth is their pubic hair.
Will you miss it when it’s gone? Did you have any to begin with? Will you be self conscious when whoever has the task of removing your hair has to do so?
It’s a pretty big event, like.
Anyway, one mum who decided she wanted to get rid of her pubic hair before going into labour was Laura Mazza.
Writing on her blog, Mum On The Run, Laura said that she decided to get rid of her own pubes and general body hair using hair removal cream to save some poor nurse doing it.
Things, however, absolutely did not go to plan.
She wrote:
“I have sensitive skin, psoriasis, asparagus veins, you name it… pregnancy has bought all this shit out ten fold.
“So I very wisely did a spot test on my arm by applying this rose smelling/ burning ballsweat cream and waited the 5 minutes, wiped it off with a sponge and OH MY LORD, hair was gone.”
Sounds promising, doesn’t it?
So promising, in fact, that Laura decided to lather the cream all over her body, because what could possibly go wrong?
Laura said that when she got into the shower, the water created a “river to my ladybits” which then led to a “highway to hell.”
Yeah, sounds grim.
She went on:
“It felt like someone had basted me with bleach and LAVA was erupting into my baby maker oven.
“Naturally I start to scream like a hyena and furiously try to wash it off. But it only really comes off with this rubber sponge you see… (which I forgot) and I don’t have a detachable shower head so I’m trying to yoga my way to get this shit off that stung my lady’s petticoat so bad I felt like I’d been attacked by a thousand wasps.”
Christ.
“I eventually got it all off and I’m left with red patches everywhere on my body in a bad reaction to my sensitive skin which is chemically burnt.
“It’s my fault – I failed to read the instructions that CLEARLY says don’t use if you have aforementioned skin ailments.”
Genuinely so grim.
All of this being said though, the cream did actually remove all of the hair from Laura’s body so, you know.
Swings and roundabouts.
