He says he’s not “in love” with her any more
A new dad sparked a huge debate after revealing he wants an open relationship with his wife — shortly after she gave birth to their child.
The man explained that they had been together for eight years, married for three, and recently welcomed a baby girl.
But, he says, following their daughter’s birth, he isn’t “in love” with his wife anymore.
He went on to explain that a divorce was the last thing he wanted— instead, he wanted to ask her to open to the relationship.
He turned to Slate’s agony aunt, Dear Prudie, for advice on how to broach the topic with his wife.
He wrote:
“I’ve been with my wife for eight years, married for three, and we recently had a baby.
“I adore our baby girl and while I love my wife, I’m not ‘in love’ with her anymore. And I’m no longer attracted to her, physically.
“Our relationship is more like two roommates who share parenting duties.
“She is my best friend, and I love her like a sister. I don’t want a divorce. Instead, I want to ask her if I can open the relationship up.”
The man went on to explain that he would “be happy to let her date as well”, if they were in an open relationship.
He continued:
“How do I gently broach the topic without hurting her feelings?
“I love her and I want to be happy, and even though I’m no longer attracted to her, I want us to continue to be a family.
“She knows something is wrong, but I’m not sure how to tell her how I feel. Please help.”
The agony aunt urged him to take a beat, re-read his letter and sit on his confession for a little while.
She continued:
“If you reread your letter, I think you must be aware on some level that you are not on the verge of breaking news of some cool, exciting new opportunity to your wife.
“You say she ‘knows something is wrong’, which suggests that she does not ‘love you like a brother’ and has also fallen out of romantic love with you, and that she is not likely to be excited at the prospect of starting an open relationship together.
“Whatever you ultimately decide to share with her, I think you should be realistic about the odds that your confession will result in a divorce, whether you want it to or not.
“The two of you just had a baby—not always the most exciting, sexy time in a relationship—and I’m inclined to think that if you sit on this confession for a little while, you may feel some relief over not rushing to share all of these feelings with her as they arise.
“That doesn’t mean you two can’t have serious conversations about your goals and your feelings, merely that you don’t have to share every single impulse that’s currently floating around in your head.”
What do you think? Many people live happily in open marriages, possibly with slightly better timing than this. Is he right to be honest about how he feels, or should he keep it to himself?Â
