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27th November 2016
11:33am GMT
"On Thursday 17 April 2014, both Sean and Ciarán spent the day with their grandparents, a perfect day that ended in tragedy. On our way home, we were involved in a head-on collision with Finbar O'Rourke. The collision happened within seconds, leaving me crushed and trapped in our car, unable to get my boys out of the car having to wait, which felt like an eternity, for some passers-by to help. While we waited for help to arrive, the panic, shock and pain was unbearable. I fought for my life thinking the car was going to burst up in flames at any moment, while trying to comfort both Sean and Ciarán. They were crying and screaming with shock and pain. All of a sudden Ciarán became silent. It was a silence I had never experienced before and as a mother I knew was not right. I then feared the worst for Ciarán. I knew he had been badly injured, or the unthinkable - dead. Sean remained crying while I tried to calm him and get him to get himself and his brother out of the car, fearing that the car could go on fire at any moment. Thankfully as people came on the scene we were finally getting help and they phoned for the emergency services. Sean was first to be taken from the car, then Ciarán. Shortly after this somebody phoned my husband and held the phone to my ear where I told him what happened and to come quick. The last sighting I had of Ciarán was him being carried to the side of the road, with the evening sun beaming through his blonde hair. The next time I saw my little boy, was on a stretcher - dead. Soon afterwards my husband, Ronan, also arrived at the scene with our other child Caoimhe. We both had to look on at our two sons on the side of the road, Sean being comforted while Ciarán was being resuscitated. The look of horror and disbelief on his face told me that our lives were falling apart. After an hour of the firemen cutting me from the car, all this time I was watching the panic and fear etched on their faces while they tried to free me from the car and as they worked on me and both my boys. Sean and Ciarán were taken to Portlaoise Hospital, while I was taken to Tullamore Hospital. I constantly asked the medical staff, was there any update on Sean and Ciarán, but I was so critical they could not tell me about Ciarán's death. I was brought to theatre for my first of ten surgeries in the early hours of Friday, 18 April. Hours later I woke up but was being supported by a ventilator. Ronan and his brother Fergus arrived shortly after I woke, unable to speak because of tubes down my throat, the only way I could communicate was to make the letter 'C' with my finger on the sheet. It was then that Ronan confirmed what I already knew in my heart that Ciarán didn't make it. My whole life was shattered and my heart was broken when my worst nightmare had been confirmed. Early Saturday Ciarán was brought to me on a stretcher. I tried to hold him on my best side with total disbelief, none of this made any sense. I spent that night with Ciarán, talking to him and making the most of our final hours together. I spoke to God about Ciarán's favourite toys, food, colour and all the things that made him unique. My injuries were two fractured ankles, a compound fracture to my left leg, a fractured pelvis and hip, a fractured elbow and sternum, but the worst injury was the pain which came from my broken heart. Ciarán was taken from me on Sunday morning to be waked in our home. That was the last time I saw our little boy. I attended Ciarán's funeral by ambulance, on a trolley with the aid of two paramedics and an ICU nurse. It was a day that no parent should have to endure, seeing their child's coffin, their families devastated with grief and sadness. The days after the funeral, I wanted answers as to what happened. I could remember the car coming towards us at speed, the colour of the car, the make of the car and part of the registration. Over the next few days the devastating news filtered through that the other driver was drunk, what made this worse was that he was a so-called professional driver, a representative for a confectionery company, Cadbury's, one who should have known better. When it all was put together, I had been driving home with Sean and Ciarán when a drunk driver at high speed collided with our car. Five long weeks, ten surgeries later, I returned home. It was only then that we as a family could be together and grieve for Ciarán. I missed all this time away from Sean and Caoimhe, while their little minds were trying to come to terms with what happened. Five weeks is a long time to be separated from two very vulnerable children and a heart broken husband. Again this I will never forgive Finbar O'Rourke for. Since then we have struggled every minute of every day trying to be parents to Sean and Caoimhe. To be able to support each other while we are paralysed with grief and in the depths of despair. Several milestones have taken place since. Ciarán's 'month's mind' mass took place on Ronan's 40th birthday, instead of celebrating we were going through a repeat of Ciarán's funeral. Before the collision, Halloween was a very exciting time in our house, but we had to get through it for our other children. Christmas, which should be a time of happiness and joy, was filled with despair and heart-wrenching moments without Ciarán. Then came the New Year, Ciarán's Birthday - January 3rd. His 5th Birthday celebrated for him but without him, surrounded by our families, heartbroken watching Sean and Caoimhe blow out his candles. Then Easter we relived every minute of the time coming up to the collision. On 17 April, It was Ciarán's anniversary, after this day we could no longer say ''This Time Last Year''. We have gone through hell and back since Ciarán's death. Torn, between being parents, while we ache for our son. Keeping a face for Sean and Caoimhe and as the day goes on we find ourselves smothering with grief and devastation. Some of my darkest moments have been at night when the children slept, trying to come to terms with everything, from the trauma of the crash, the nightmares, the feeling of being on fire and the screams of my children and being unable to be a mother to them. On nights that it was unbearable, I just wanted to die. Ronan would hold me while we both cried and ached for Ciarán. We have had to watch our parents, brothers and sister, nieces and nephews and extended family and friends of Ciarán go through this nightmare, the complete devastation of Ciarán's loss. I have spent months torturing myself looking for reasons that would have made the outcome different. If I had gone home earlier or later, taken another road, but through counselling I now know that this was not my fault. I was a mother taking her two children home to her husband and their father and our daughter to get ready for Easter. We lived our lives for our children. Everything we did was for them and our needs came last, but we were happy with that because they were our world. Ronan all this time had to care for me while I was non weight-bearing in a wheelchair, while I had to learn how to walk again. He had to care for Sean and Caoimhe and tried to keep our business afloat. Since the collision, we have lost our business because of the financial strain of hiring extra staff to cover both myself and Ronan's jobs. I am a trained beauty therapist and had my own salon for ten years. I took a career break from my business to be a stay-at-home mother while trying to work evenings in Ronan's shop. Due to financial pressure we have had to put the premises where I operated the salon from up for sale. My plan was to return to my career when Caoimhe started school but now I cannot due to my disabilities from my injuries. While Ronan tried to run the business, we had to travel to Portlaoise to bank with AIB as the Portarlington branch had closed. Physically every day is a struggle. I have days when I cannot function with pain. My left leg requires more surgery and if this surgery does not work I could face a lower leg amputation. Even though losing my leg will never be as bad as losing Ciarán. Family life will never be the same without Ciarán. We speak his name and try so very hard to include him in everything we do. We try to keep his memory alive with the children and they both speak of him as if he has just gone away and will come back. Children do not understand that death is permanent and over time they will have to come to the realisation that their brother will not be coming back. We as parents comfort them when they ask where Ciarán is. We tell them he lives in heaven but he still is also in their hearts. We as parents, Sean, Caoimhe, our parents and extended family will never be able to come to terms with Ciarán's loss. We will always wonder how life would have been. He never got the chance to start school, make his Communion, Confirmation, go to college, get married or have children. These are the things that will break our hearts even more knowing he did not get to live his life, a life that was so brutally taken through the drunken actions of Finbar O'Rourke. Again this I will never forgive Finbar O'Rourke for. What keeps us alive are Sean and Caoimhe. They need us and it is our goal to be good parents to them and they deserve nothing less. They have suffered enough and will suffer more missing Ciarán in their lives. We carry on knowing we have an angel in heaven watching over us. The only glue that keeps our hearts together is Sean and Caoimhe. We all will miss Ciarán every day of the remainder of our lives. We thank God for four precious years with him but grieve for the life he was denied by the actions of Finbar O'Rourke, a drunk driver who shattered and devastated our family."Ronan and Gillian told Ray D'Arcy how hard it has been to raise awareness about drink-driving. Last year, 284,000 drivers, or one in ten, admitted to consuming alcohol before driving, according to a survey of driver attitudes conducted on behalf of the Road Safety Authority (RSA). Furthermore, of those who admitted to drink driving, almost 2 out of 5 said they had consumed two or more drinks. The research shows that the incidence of alcohol consumption is much higher among males, those who drive for work and those who have had a collision/near miss in recent years. They are also likely to be high speeding and rule violators. Moyagh Murdock, CEO of the Road Safety Authority, comments:
"Any amount of alcohol impairs driving. This is not an opinion, it’s scientific fact. So if you are heading to an office party or socialising over the Christmas and New Year period, make sure you plan ahead. Leave the keys at home and book a taxi, hackney, use public transport or designate a driver. Do not leave it to chance because once you have that first drink, you will not be able to make the right choices. This advice also applies if you are intending to walk home after socialising too."She also warns drivers of the dangers of drink driving the morning after:
"Drink driving at any time of the day is drink driving, that’s why you must take extra care the following morning if you have been drinking the night before, as you may still have alcohol in your system. It roughly takes you about one hour for your body to get rid of one unit of alcohol, that’s a half pint or standard glass of wine. If you got to bed in the early hours and didn’t get a good night’s sleep, this will magnify the impairing effects of any alcohol in your system."About three out of every four drivers – an increasing majority – are in favour of the introduction of a lower drink driving limit. What do you think? Let us know your thoughts in the Facebook comments or join the conversation on Twitter @HerFamilydotie
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