
Share
11th October 2021
12:35pm BST

"She’d always seemed progressive, so I’ve been surprised by the binary gender division and the exclusion, and I’m tempted to RSVP saying no.
"I want to support my friend, but I don’t want to support this gender-essentialist nonsense. Do I just send my regrets, or do I tell her why I’m not attending?"
Listen, out of all the things your pregnant friend wants or needs to hear, we're pretty sure "it's sexist to not have men at your baby shower and it's making me, personally, uncomfortable" is like... so far at the bottom of the list, it's underground.
Thankfully, Care and Feeding columnist Jamilah Lemieux raised some excellent points in response.
"While baby showers are increasingly becoming mixed-gender events, there are still a lot of women who seem to view this as a day for 'the girls.' To be entirely fair, the lack of hands-on effort that previous generations of men (and some backwards-ass modern-day descendants) put into baby care has a lot to do with this," she pointed out.
"...I think it’s harsh to punish this person for choosing to have a baby shower with the people that she wants most to be showered by at this time. Maybe she really enjoyed the crowd at the bridal shower and wants to have the same energy again. Maybe her husband has been getting on her nerves, and she wants a break."
Amen.
The columnist added: "Your friend is doing what marginalised people often do, which is creating a space exclusively for her and others like her, and there’s no shame, regression, or gender violence in that — as long as anyone in her group who identifies as a woman or femme is included.
"In any case, there’s a good chance she’s just limiting the invite to people who seem most likely to be hype about onesies — and while that isn’t the case for all women, that might be the truth for her circle," she concluded.
Hear hear. And anyway, regardless of her reasons for wanting to keep it a girls-only event, isn't it important to respect the wishes of the one who's carrying the baby? She's the one facing disruption and change to her body, and is likely going to be the one faced with the most disruption and change to her lifestyle once the baby is born.
Let's decentre ourselves from a day that should be about celebrating our tired, hormonal, and excited-but-overwhelmed friend, shall we?Explore more on these topics: