OK RANT ALERT…
I have recently had my second (and last) child and I think it’s pretty reasonable to expect a certain amount of well wishing on the occasion of the birth of a child. What I did not, however, expect was sympathetic head tilts. That’s right folks, it’s a kind of reverse-China situation and apparently the birth of my second boy child is a source of pity.
What the f*ck? Seriously?
A friend of mine expecting her third child (she had two – YOU’VE GUESSED IT – boys already) even found out the sex of her last baby at the 20 week scan because she was so fed up with the ‘you must be dying for a girl’ nagathon that her pregnancy had become.
When I was preggers, I also got a lot of people assuming that I was absolutely desperate for a girl. In fact, it wasn’t even A girl to which they referred but THE girl. Who was this girl baby that I was evidently gagging for? “You’re going for THE girl this time, are you?” or “Are you dying for THE girl?” they’d gush breathlessly, all the while giving the bump a thorough hands on examination. Are they actually feeling for a tiny vagina or what?
Even my own mother got in on the act:
“Let’s pray it’s THE girl, so you don’t have to go again,” she implored the gods.
Utterly ridiculous.
It wasn’t THE girl.
“It’s a boy!” I announced to The Man in the delivery room. I even got to cut his cord. “Watch the dick,” whispered The Man still shaken to the core by what he’d just witnessed. “Jesus, that was worse than Cannibal Holocaust,” he muttered, white-faced, as he drank my tea and ate my toast.
Now that I am the proud owner of ANOTHER little boy, everyone I meet is dying to tell me in that supremely irritating, knowing voice: “Oh you’ll have to go again!” and I can’t help but notice that I’ve started feeling a bit defensive on my children’s behalf. What’s wrong with little boys? Of course absolutely nothing.
And there’s a helluva lot right with them if you ask me, I’ve even helpfully made a little list of facts you can quote to interfering folks should they cast any aspersions on your latest boy child.
Some cool (completely unsubstantiated) “facts” you didn’t know about boy children:
Fact 1
They love their mothers more than girl children.
Fact 2
They’re better craic. Be real. It’s a known fact that girls are whinier, they just are.
Fact 3
Boys sleep better… because they’re sounder.
Boy Mamas, can you relate ? Are you sick of the ‘gagging for a girl’ refrain? Feel free to have a rant in the comments.
