With a toddler in tow, you may find a lot of questions you get asked contain the word ‘still’.
After a while, all this makes you feel pretty crap. Are you still not getting it right?
Naturally when responding to these types of questions I can’t help but want to shout: are you STILLÂ talking?
A close cousin of the ‘still’ word is the word ‘yet’. Have you not weaned him yet? Have you not gotten the hang of things yet? Suggested responses include; “have I not murdered you yet?” and “Are you not dead yet?”
10 Most dangerous things to say to the parent of a toddler
1. Is he not sleeping through the night yet?
Look at my face, I look like Keith Richards will look 18 years from now, what do YOU think?
2. Does he still have a soother?
God no, that’s the Fischer Price Teeny Tot Crack Pipe…
3. Has he no socks?
None whatsoever, he’s basically feral, raised by wolves, as you can see…
4. Anything that begins: “That child should…”
That child should… be of no concern of yours?
5. “Where’s his manners?”
He is still in the early stages of intellectual development. I don’t know what YOUR excuse is.
6. “Are you still breastfeeding him?”
I always thought “I’m gonna breastfeed YOU in a minute” would be a really funny comeback to this one… or a squirt of breast milk to the face.
7. “You’re making a rod for your back.”
Apparently this phrase can be applied to anything from cuddling them to sleep to giving them a bottle in the middle of the night. It doesn’t inspire me to change my parenting for the better; mainly I just want to take a rod to their back.
8. “My little one doesn’t have chocolate/sugar/crisps.” Delivered in a smug tone.
Con-gra-du-f*cking-lations.
9. Oh, he’s a boy?!?! Why is he wearing pink?
Because it’s 2015?
10. “He should really be potty trained/self-soothing/recognising words/doing his own tax returns by now.”
Refer to Tina for the only rational response to this one…
