GUEST BLOGGER: comedienne Sharyn Hayden blogs for HerFamily.ie this week
Sharyn Hayden is a writer, presenter and comic actress. She lives in Dublin with her partner Alan, their two young children and a dog with a weak stomach.
FYI We are NOT ‘The Fynes Family’
Thank you all ever so much for all your Christmas cards. I’m afraid I didn’t get around to (i.e. didn’t bother my hoop to) send any, on the back of sending out so many thank you cards for Eva’s arrival to the world. Yes she WAS born in July and yes I DID only send out the Thank You’s in December and YES there were Christmas stamps on the envelopes so you may have mistaken them for Christmas cards but JESUS CHRIST WOULD YOU STOP AT ME I JUST HAD A BAYYYYYYBEEEE….. (six months ago *coughs*).
This year, strangely, a lot of our Christmas cards were suddenly addressed to ‘Sharyn and Alan Fynes’ or ‘The Fynes Family’ and I simply must protest. I am Sharyn Hayden and he is Alan Fynes. Collectively, if you must collect us, I guess we could be called ‘The Hayden-Fynes’s. I mean, at ANY point, did you notice me getting married? As someone who writes about topics such as the likelihood that my thongs are cutting off my blood supply, I’m not exactly what you would call a private person.
For arguments’ sake, let’s imagine that Ass Monkey (Alan's nickname) had the wherewithal to propose to me before we had children, you would most likely have seen me post photos of myself online in a one-sleeved, asymmetrical wedding gown that looked as though the hem had been dipped in merlot. My bridesmaids would have been drag queens the season would have been winter, and the bride and groom would have made off into the sunset on a Harley Davidson.
On the other hand, now that I am 37 and have one dog and two kids, the most likely scenario for any possible wedding ceremony between Ass Monkey and I is that I will some day post photos of myself dragging my children up the aisle behind me, perhaps stapled to the hem on my wedding dress.
Not that Ass Monkey has bothered his monkey ass to ASK or anything. And I swear I’m not bitter. (But I do have a staple gun at the ready).
You can find more of Sharyn's fun musings on parenthood every single day this week as our amazon guest blogger or on: