Bedtime routines are important.
We know this, but we also know that a mother’s sanity is too.
That’s why we can’t quite get our heads around the idea that a mother should be the only person to ever put her children to bed.
A woman has admitted online that she’s been criticised by her sister for getting her husband to put her children to bed two nights a week while she takes a break.
Opening up on Mumsnet, the woman asked fellow users of the parenting forum for their advice.
“I have 2 dc (dear children) and work condensed hours,” she wrote.
“When I finish work I have the sole care of both children. I also spend both Saturday and Sunday with them. Am I being unfair to want to go out with friends one night per week (therefore missing their bedtime and leaving my husband to put the kids to bed)?”
She explained that she also spends at least one night a week with her terminally ill dad.
“My sister thinks I am being unreasonable to miss two bedtimes per week. That at age 4 and 6 the kids should have their mummy to do it and they need this to make them feel secure.”
“I, on the other hand feel I need a bit of a life sometimes. Some regular grown up time away from them provides a much needed break.”
This sounds like mum-guilting at its finest, in our opinion, something that a lot of those commenting on Mumsnet agreed with.
“What’s the point in them having a dad of you have to do everything anyway? 2 bedtimes is nothing, I work evenings, I always missing bedtime,” wrote one.
“I just don’t see what is wrong with your husband doing some bedtimes or why it is so vital that you are the one to do it every night. Why does your sister think your husband cannot offer security to them as well as you can?” commented another.
“They’re with their other parent, not left on their own! I think it’s good for both parents to be able to handle bedtime alone.”
“Keep doing what you’re doing OP (other parent). We need more women like you.”
There’s more than a whiff of sexism off this.
Of course, kids need time with their mum, but arguing that mums should be the only one to do certain things not only puts undue pressure on mamas everywhere but also does a disservice to dads who put in serious quality time with their families.
Plus, if one parent does all the work at bedtime, surely this should balance out in different tasks.
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